Arm Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks, "Where did you get that?" A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off."
The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing."
The German replied, "Ya, that vill not be a problem."
A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time."
"Ya, that will be done," says the German.
The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before."
The German replies, " ya."
The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..."
The German snapped, more...

Submitted By Jester

One day, Sam hurt is arm.

He went to his friend, who was a doctor, and asked him what was wrong with it. "I can't tell what's wrong with it, but there is this new computer at the pharmacy. You put a urine sample into it, and it tells you what's wrong with you, and how to cure it," his friend says.

Sam decided to try it out. He pees in a cup, goes to the pharmacy, and finds the computer. He places his urine in the computer, and pushed enter.

The Computer made some noises, and soon printed out a small piece of paper. It read: You're arm is sprained. Wrap it in an ace bandage, take 2 motrin a day (see perscription below) and don't use it for 2 weeks.

As sam was walking home, he wondered if the computer could be fooled. He decided to test it. He took a sample of his wife's lipstick, a hair from his daughter's brush, water from his dog's bowl, and some of his boogers, and mixed it together. He brought it more...

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled. With his lawyer’s assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

Job Interview Quotations

Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees.

A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.

Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.

Candidate fell and broke arm during interview.

Candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fies in the interviewers office.

Candidate explained that her long-term goals was to replace the interviewer.

Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.

Balding Candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a headpiece.

Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the more...

There was a 10 year old boy, who's left arm was damaged and subsequently amputated. He decided to learn judo. His Sensei (teacher) was an old Chinese judo expert. The boy learned quickly. After three months, he had learned only one move.

He asked his teacher to teach him more moves. The Sensai told him that this was all he would need.

Soon after, the boy entered a tournament, where he quickly advanced to the finals, where his opponent was bigger and more experienced. The boy seemed very out matched. After a long match, the opponent seemed to loose concentration. Quickly the boy took advantage and pinned what seemed to be his superior opponent.

On the ride home, the boy asked his Sensai. "How could I win with only one move?"

The Sensai replied, "You have nearly mastered one of the most difficult moves in all of judo. And, the only defense against that move, is for your opponent to grab your left arm."

While I was visiting my sister one evening, I took out a candy dispenser that was shaped like a miniature person. "How does that thing work?" she asked.
As I turned the figurine's arm to pop candy out, my sister laughed.
"I see. .. it's a lot like my husband," she said. "You have to twist his arm to get anything out of him."