Arms Jokes / Recent Jokes

My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing.He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could.After a while he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 20 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 50 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for five full minutes!Eventually, he even started putting potatoes in the sacks.

A preacher, who shall we say was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry.
Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!"
The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!"
The crowd burst into laughter and delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well. The next week, the pastor decided he'd give this humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon. As he surely approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him.
Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!"
The congregation more...

A preacher, who shall we say, was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry.
Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit, and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" - The crowd burst into laughter and delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well.
The next week, the pastor decided he'd give this humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon. As he surely approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him.
Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of woman that was not my wife!" The congregation inhaled half the more...

An airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa had a malfunction, and went down. A few weeks later, the Pepsi Company sent a rescue plane. They searched the area and found a tribe of cannibals. They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash. The Chief said, "You betcha!" When asked where the crew was, the Chief replied, "We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi." The Rescue crew were shocked. One man asked, "Did you eat their legs?" The chief replied, "We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi." Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?" The Chief replied, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi." After looking totally perplexed for a minute, a third asked, "Did you...you know...eat, their...'things'?" The chief says, "No." "No?" asked the rescuer. "No," replied the Chief, "THINGS go better with Coke."

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. Theyd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever sides dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms. The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. The used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it. "When the day came for th e fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. more...

Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervouslyknocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and wasas beautiful and charming as everyone had said. "I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't youplay with Rollo while you're waiting?" He does wonderfultricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if youmake a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through." The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rollingover. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through-- and over the balcony railing to the ground 40 floors down. Just then Paul's date walked out. "Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?" "To tell the the truth, " he replied, "he seemed a littledepressed to me."

Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervouslyknocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and wasas beautiful and charming as everyone had said. "I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't youplay with Rollo while you're waiting?" He does wonderfultricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if youmake a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through." The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rollingover. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through- and over the balcony railing to the ground 40 floors down.Just then Paul's date walked out. "Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?" "To tell the the truth, " he replied, "he seemed a littledepressed to me."