Arms Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman was walking down the street when she saw a big black man.
She said, "you are a big ole man, how big are your arms?" He said,"20 inches ROUND."
She said," good lord those are some big ole arms. How big is your neck? He said,"24 inches ROUND."
She said,"good lord that is a big ole neck." How big is your thighs. He said,"32 inches ROUND.
She said,"good lord those are some big ole thighs."
At last she said, "I am sorry, but i have to ask how big is your dick. He said,"3 inches. She interuped him and yelled,"Your telling me that you arms are 20 inches ROUND, your neck is 24 inches ROUND, your thighs are 32 inches ROUND, and you have a three inch dick.
He said,"3 inches FROM THE GROUND.

There was a cargo shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa. It suddenly had a malfunction, and crashed in the jungle. A few days later, Pepsi sent a rescue plane to search for the plane and crew. They found the wreckage, but were not able to locate the crew. They searched the area and met with a tribe of cannibals. They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash. The Chief nods and simply says, "Yes... seen plane crash". When asked where the crew was, the Cheif replyed, "We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi!"The Rescue crew was shocked. Another man asked, "Did you eat their legs?" The chief replied, "We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi!"Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?" The Chief said, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Peps!"Finally, another rescuer had to ask, "Did you.. you know... eat their... things?" The cheif says, "NO, you idoit!"... more...

There's a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs sitting by a lake. Several beautiful women are running laps around it and the man decides to use his disability to get affection from one of them. The next time one runs by him, the man calls to her: "Excuse me Sweetheart, I have no arms and I have no legs. Will you hug me?" She looks around to make sure nobody's watching, leans down, and hugs him. The man thinks, "Wow, I can't believe that worked!", and decides to try it again. Another woman runs by him, and he calls out to her: "Excuse me Darling, I have no arms and I have no legs. Will you kiss me?" She looks around to make sure nobody is watching, leans down and gives him a kiss. The man is amazed at how well this is working out for him! The next time a woman runs by, he calls out to her: " Excuse me Beautiful, I have no arms and I have no legs. Will you f**k me?" The woman looks around to make sure nobody's watching her, leans down, more...

Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days."Why, my outfit was so well drilled," declared one, "that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click.""Very good," conceded the other, "but when my company presented arms youd just hear slap, slap, jingle.""What was the jingle?" asked the first. "Oh," replied the other offhand, "just our medals."

The constitution guarantees me the right to bear arms.
If I had bear arms I wouldn't need a gun, because I could just rip the head off of anyone who pissed me off.

Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. "I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you play with Rollo while you're waiting? He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up, and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through." The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling over. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through -- and over the balcony railing. Just then Paul's date walked out. "Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?" "To tell the the truth," he replied, "he seemed a little depressed to me."

Three generals, one from the Army, another from the Marines, and a third from the Air Force, were having a debate with a Navy Admiral about whose soldiers were the bravest.

To prove his point, the Air Force general calls over an airman: "Airman! Climb that flagpole, and once you are at the top, sing' Wild Blue Yonder', and then jump off!"

"YES SIR!" replies the airman. He takes off for the flagpole like a shot, scales up it, sings the anthem, salutes and jumps off, hitting the ground at attention.

The general dismisses him. "Now that's bravery!" exclaims the general.

"Ah, that's nothing," says the Admiral, "Seaman!" A seaman appears, "YES, SIR!!" "Take this weapon," as he offers him an M14, "Scale that flagpole, balance yourself on top, stand at attention, present arms, and sing' Anchors Aweigh.' Salute each of us, and jump off.

"YES SIR!!" more...