Arrest Jokes / Recent Jokes

Before his daring escape from prison, an infamous criminal had been photographed from four different angles.

The FBI sent copies of the pictures to police chiefs all across the land, with orders to notify Washington the moment an arrest was made.

The next day, the Bureau received a faxed reply from the ambitious sheriff of a small Southern town:

"PICTURES RECEIVED. ALL FOUR SHOT DEAD WHILE RESISTING ARREST."

You are under arrest and....
1. No, I don't care who you are.
2. No, I don't care who you know.
3. Yes... you DO pay my salary.
4. Yes... you CAN have my job.
5. No, I don't have anything better to do.
6. Yes, I DO arrest real criminals sometimes.
7. No, I am not picking on you because you are __________ (fill in any ethnic group/race).
8. No, I can't give you a break.
9. No, I don't know your friend, Officer __________.
10. Yes, you will be allowed to make a phone call.
11. Yes, I'm sure you will never do it again.
12. No, we can't talk about it.
13. Yes, it DOES make me happy.
14. Yes, you WILL see me in court.
Thank you, have a nice day.
Your Arresting Officer __________

A 36-year old Wisconsin dancer who stripped in front of her children in a drunken attempt to avoid a shoplifting arrest is going to jail. Prosecutors say the woman stole beef jerky and a lighter from a continence store in October. They say when police went to her home she began screaming at the three children and told a teenager it was his fault. She then stripped to her underwear and told officers they couldn’t arrest her because she would be naked soon. Who says strippers aren’t smart.

What will the FBI say when they go to Gary Condit's house to arrest him?"Mr. Condit, come out with your pants up!"

A scientist was successful in cloning himself, and was asked to speak at a national convention of cloning scientists. The meeting room was located on the 45th floor of a New York skyscraper." My fellow scientists," he began. But before he could utter another word, the clone jumped up and shouted, "he's a *&^^%*@)&!". Apologizing for the interruption, the scientist began again, "My fellow scientists,". Again the clone sprang to his feet and yelled, "this dumb *%@(&+*! couldn't produce a copy on a Xerox. He's a fraudulent *$3%$#*#+=!". Incensed, the scientist rushed to the clone, grabbed him, and threw him out of the window. The crowd gasped and security rushed into the room. A short while later New York's finest arrived and the events that had transpired were explained to them. The police chief said to the scientist, "We are going to have to arrest you." The scientist replied, "For what? You can't arrest me for killing a more...

A boy and his father are playing with toy cars, the father has the police car and pretends to pull over the car that the boy is playing with."Do you have a drivers license?" asks the father."No," says the boy."Are you resisting arrest?" he asks.The boy hesitates before he says, "No, but I'm not sleepy at all."

A police recruit was asked on an exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" In the blank, he wrote, "Call for backup."