Arrest Jokes / Recent Jokes
Blame storming - sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.
Beepilepsy - The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid sentence.
Cube farm - an office filled with cubicles.
Ego surfing - scanning the Net, databases, print media etc. looking for references to one's own name.
Prairie dogging - something loud happens in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
Idea hamsters - people who always seem to have their idea generators running.
Mouse potato - the on-line generation's answer to the couch potato.
Ohnosecond - that minuscule fraction of time in which you realize you've just made a big mistake.
SITCOM - stands for Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.
Stress puppy - a person who thrives on being more...
You are under arrest and. ..
1. No, I don't care who you are.
2. No, I don't care who you know.
3. Yes... you DO pay my salary.
4. Yes... you CAN have my job.
5. No, I don't have anything better to do.
6. Yes, I DO arrest real criminals sometimes.
7. No, I am not picking on you because you are _____________ (fill in some ethnic group/race).
8. No, I can't give you a break.
9. No, I don't know your friend, Officer ______.
10. Yes, you will be allowed to make a phone call.
11. Yes, I'm sure you will never do it again.
12. No, we can't talk about it.
13. Yes, it DOES make me happy.
14. Yes, you WILL see me in court.
Thank you, have a nice day... TOMORROW!!!
Your Arresting Officer __________
For years now the FBI, the CIA, and the LAPD have all been argueing about their incredible arrest records and solved cases. Each claiming to be better than the others. Finally, the president hears about this nonsense argument and takes the top officers of each branch out to the woods. There, the president releases a rabbit. He tells the FBI, the CIA, and the LAPD that that is their suspect, and the first to arrest it is the victor.
So the FBI goes out into the forest and plants a bunch of animal informants all over the woods trying to locate this rabbit. After weeks of investigations and tips from forest critters, the FBI can't turn up anything on this alleged rabbit.
With that the CIA goes out into the forest to look for the rabbit. Unable to locate the suspect the CIA claims that there never was a rabbit in the first place and burns down the forest to cover it up.
Finaly, the LAPD goes off into the smoldering woods and comes out less than five minutes later with a badly more...
I wrote these for our campus humor paper before Christmas break. Some are
UCSD specific, like our new rule banning "fighting words." Some were written
before Romania revolted. And some might be offensive. Bearing that in
mind...
The first arrest under the new "fighting words" policy was made. A
reggae group performing in the Price Center was arrested after singing a song
calling for the end to apartheid in South Africa and whipping up student
fervor. A spokesperson for the police said that the Regents could not tolerate
anyone claiming the world wasn't as kind and gentle as President Bush had
officially declared it was.
The federal government completed the phasing out of lobbying in Congress,
calling it a serious breach of democracy and not in the best interests of the
nation. It will be replaced by a series of public auctions where both
senators' and representatives' votes will be sold to the highest more...
I'm am writing this little story in the day of the lives of Laura and Randy. It all started on a Sunday mourning, bright and early, with boredom. We decided to spend a fun filled day with all the luxuries of our lives. We decided to start the day with a ride on his Harley, witch we both enjoy the freedom of the road. We road for a couple of hours and a took a well needed rest, so then we decided to take a cruise on my boat, which we also enjoy, because of all the quiet and alone time, with no one else around, not even a phone. We cruised for around a hour or so and decided it was time to get something to eat, so we returned home and jumped in the explorer and headed down the road to get something to eat. Well we hit the road and came across a Rite Aide, and I decided to ask him to pull in and get me some Captain Morgans, and he did just that. As he left the liquor store he put my alcohol in the back of the explore, now my day seemed to be complete. So with all he did with me and for more...
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. February 10, 1993Dennis Payne, 30, was arrested as a pickpocket at a Jersey City, N. J., train station, his 135th arrest in New Jersey and New York City since 1978. Police said it took a computer more than a half-hour to print out Payne's arrest record.