Arthritis Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man came hobbling into the doctor's waiting room, assisted by his wife. The poor bloke could hardly move. He was bent over and grimacing with pain as he shuffled along, his hands like two rigid claws.
The receptionist looked on sympathetically. "Oh dear," she said. "Arthritis with complications?"
"No," said the bloke's wife. "Do-it-yourself with concrete blocks."

A group of eight-year-olds where posed this question: "What does love mean?"

The answers they got:

"Love is that first feeling you feel before all the bad stuff gets in the way."

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth."

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs."

"Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don't yell at them because you know it would hurt their more...

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple minutes later, he asked the priest, ''Father, what causes arthritis?'' ''Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man,'' the priest replied. ''Imagine that,'' the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized: ''I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'' ''I don't have arthritis, Father,'' the drunk said, ''but I just read in the paper that the Pope does.''

A drunk man who smelled like a beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was smeared with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began to read. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked 'Say Father, what causes arthritis?' The priest replies 'My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol and comtempt for your fellow man' 'Well I'll be darned' the drunk muttered, returning to his newspaper.
The priest thinking about what he said, nudged the drunk and apologised. 'I'm sorry to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'
'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.'

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a barstool next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, “Say, Father, what causes arthritis? ” “Mister, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man. ” replied the priest “Well, I’ll be damned, ” the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. “I’m very sorry, I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis? ” the drunk replied “I don’t have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does. ”

McCuen stumbled out of a saloon right into the arms of irish father Logan. "Inebriated again!" declared the irish priest. "Shame on you! When are you going to straighten out your life??" "irish father," asked McCuen. "What causes arthritis?" "I`ll tell you what causes it! Drinking cheap whiskey, gambling and carousing around with loose women. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don`t," slurred McCuen. "The Bishop has it!"

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8-year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think...
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and
paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca - age 8
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving
cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your
French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6
"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age more...