Artist Jokes / Recent Jokes

How many artists does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten. One to change it, and nine to reassure him about how good it looks.

How many modern artists does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to throw bulbs against the wall, one to pile hundreds of them in a heap and spray-paint it orange, one to glue light bulbs to a cocker spaniel, and one to put a bulb in the socket and fill the room with light while all the critics and buyers are watching the fellow smashing the bulbs against the wall, the fellow with the spray-gun, and the cocker spaniel.

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

Two. One to change it and one to throw a bucket of water out the window.
Fish.

How many visitors to an art gallery does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to do it and one to say "Huh! My four-year old could've done that!"

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks ‘Do you do custom work? ’
‘Why of course! ’
‘Good. I’d like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my right thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of my left thigh. ’
‘No problem, ’ says the artist. ‘Strip from the waist down and get up on the table. ’
After two hours of hard work, the artist finishes. The woman sits up and examines the tattoos.
‘That doesn’t look like them! ’ she complains loudly.
‘Oh yes it does, ’ the artist says indignantly, ‘and I can prove it. ’ With that, he runs out of the shop and grabs the first man off the street he can find; it happens to be the town drunk.
‘Well, what do you think? ’ the woman asks, spreading her legs. ‘Do you know who these men are? ’
The drunk studies the tattoos for a couple of minutes and says. ‘I’m not sure who the guys on either side are, but the fellow in the middle is definitely more...

A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh right up just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good. The woman then instructs him to put a Santa Clause with "Merry Christmas" up on her left thigh.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking good too.
As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says "if you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?"
She says "I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."

There was once a beautiful woman named Rebecca who lived with 3 men: an author, an artist, and a blind man.They each visited her once a day. One day Rebecca was taking a shower when she heard a knock at the door, so she put on a towel and answered the door.
It turned out to be the artist. He said, "Congratulate me, congratulate me! I have just finished a masterpiece." Rebecca congratulated him, then closed the door.
Right when Rebecca was getting back in the shower, she heard another knock so she put her towel back on and it was the author. He said, "Congratulate me, congratulate me! I have just finished a new best-seller." Rebecca congratulated him, then closed the door.
Rebecca got back in the shower and 15 minutes later she heard another knock. She figured it had to be the blind man so she didn't have to put on her towel and she answered the door. She was right; it was the blind man, and he said to her, "Congratulate me, congratulate me! I can more...