Artist Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man asked that the blonde painter, paint him in the nude.
"Oh no!" replied the talented artist. "I'm sorry, but I don't do that sort of thing."
"I'll pay you double your normal fee," the man offered.
"No thanks!" she replied.
"Ok, I'll give you five times what you normally charge," the man said.
The blonde artist thought about it for a moment and replied, "Well, all right, but you'll have to let me at least wear my socks. I need somewhere to put my brushes!"

The curator of an art gallery asked an artist for a painting depicting General Custer's last thoughts.
Two weeks later, the artist unveiled the painting, an enormous canvas with a lovely blue lake painted in its center, with a fish leaping from the water with a shining halo around its head. On the shores of the lake were the most detailed pictures of Indians fornicating.
After gaping at the painting for some time, the enraged curator demanded to know what the theme was supposed to be.
The artist said, "You asked for a painting of Custer's last thoughts," he explained. "That's it. Custer was thinking, 'Holy mackerel, where did all those fucking Indians come from?'"

The curator of an art gallery asked an artist for a painting depicting General Custer's last thoughts.Two weeks later, the artist unveiled the painting, an enormous canvas with a lovely blue lake painted in its center, with a fish leaping from the water with a shining halo around its head. On the shores of the lake were the most detailed pictures of Indians fornicating.After gaping at the painting for some time, the enraged curator demanded to know what the theme was supposed to be.The artist said, "You asked for a painting of Custer's last thoughts," he explained. "That's it. Custer was thinking, 'Holy mackerel, where did all those fucking Indians come from?'"

There once was a service man who toured the Middle East and married a beautiful little China doll. He brought her back to the States and they were very happy. He always enjoyed looking at her rear end and telling her what a beautiful butt she had. Every day it was, "Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have." Every night it was, "Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have." Well his birthday was getting close and she wanted to surprise him with a tattoo on her rear end that said, "Beautiful Butt." So she finds a reputable tattoo artist and explains what she wants. Well the artist asks her to turn around and after a brief pause says, "There is no way I can get "Beautiful Butt" on your tiny little beautiful butt." But I can put a nice "B" on each cheek which will stand for "Beautiful Butt." A bit disappointed, she agrees and leaves with her B's. Well the big day arrives and after a candle light more...

A woman walks into a tattoo parlour and asks 'Do you do custom work?''Why of course!''Good. I'd like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of myright thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside ofmy left thigh.''No problem,' says the artist. 'Strip from the waist down and getup on the table.'After two hours of hard work, the artist finishes.The woman sits up and examines the tattoos.'That doesn't look like them!' she complains loudly.'Oh yes it does,' the artist says indignantly, 'and Ican prove it.' With that, he runs out of the shopand grabs the first man off the street he can find;it happens to be the town drunk.'Well, what do you think?' the woman asks, spreadingher legs. 'Do you know who these men are?'The drunk studies the tattoos for a couple of minutesand says. 'I'm not sure who the guys on either side are, but the fellow in the middle is definately Willie Nelson!'

Once there were three men who were going to be executed with the guillotine during the French Revolution. The first man was a mathmatician, the second man was an artist, and the third man was a engineer.
The police led the mathmatician up and told him to say his last words. He said, "I will always die for my country." The men led him to the guillotine. The blade stopped an inch from his neck. The police said that it must be the will of God that the mathmatician would not die.
The same thing happened to the artist. His last words were, "I will always die for my country." He was led to the guillotine and the blade stopped an inch from his neck. The police said that it must be the will of God that the artist would not die.
When the police led the engineer up and told him to say his last words, he said, "I think I know how to fix the guillotine."

After his wife divorced him, Joe asked his best friend, Bill, to fix him up with a blind date. Bill obliged. The next day Joe called up Bill and shouted at him angrily:

"Bill, what kind of a guy do you think I am. That girl you fixed me up with was cross-eyed; she was almost bald; her nose was long, thin and crooked; she had hair growing on her face; she was flat chested; and her ankles were as thick as her thighs".

Bill answered: "Either you like Picasso, or you don't like Picasso."