Ashes Jokes

In Year 1981
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes
4. Pope Died
In Year 2005
1. Prince Charles got married (again)
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe(again)
3. Australia lost the Ashes (again)
4. Pope Died (again)
Moral of the story -
In future, if Prince Charles decides to re-marry....
Please warn the Pope

Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites her home for the first time. Stacey excuses herself to fetch her Mom and introduce her new friend. As her friend is standing in the living room next to the fireplace, she picks up the attractive vase on the mantle. When Stacey returns with her mother, her friend is staring curiously into the vase. "Oh, those are my father's ashes," Stacey informs her new friend. However, this startles her so that she drops the vase with a -- ashes and broken vase scattering all around. After turning three shades of red she stammers out, "Oh, no... I'm, oh!... I, can't... didn't mean to.." "It's OK dear," the mother says. "The vase was just from Wal- Mart." The new friend catches her breath enough to say, "But... but your husband's ashes..." "Well," the mother says, "looks like he'll just have to get off his lazy butt and get the ashtray from the kitchen from now on!"

Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their
lovers (Rascal, Dumbass, Bobby) happened to be at the funeral home at the
same time,
and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.
The first man (Rascal) said, 'My Benny loved to fly, so I'm going up
in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky.'
The second man (Dumbass) said, 'My Carl was a good fisherman, so I'm
going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake.'
The third man (Bobby) said, 'My Jim was such a good lover, I think
I'm
going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my
ass up just one more time.'

Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites her home for the first time. Stacey excuses herself to fetch her Mom and introduce her new friend. As her friend is standing in the living room next to the fireplace, she picks up the attractive vase on the mantle. When Stacey returns with her mother, her friend is staring curiously into the vase. "Oh, those are my father's ashes," Stacey informs her new friend. However, this startles her so that she drops the vase with a - ashes and broken vase scattering all around. After turning three shades of red she stammers out, "Oh, no... I'm, oh!... I, can't... didn't mean to.." "It's OK dear," the mother says. "The vase was just from Wal- Mart." The new friend catches her breath enough to say, "But... but your husband's ashes..." "Well," the mother says, "looks like he'll just have to get off his lazy butt and get the ashtray from the kitchen from now on!"

A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. One day she picked up the urn he was in, and poured him out on the coffee table. Then she started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes. She said, "You know that fur coat you promised me, Irving?" She answered by saying, "I bought it with the insurance money!" She then said, "Irving, remember that new car you promised me?" She answered again saying, "Well, I bought it with the insurance money!" Then she said, "And remember the big beautiful house that sits at the top of the hill that I fell in love with and you said we couldn't afford?" Once more she answered saying, "Well I bought that too with the insurance money and I love living here." Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, "Irving, remember that blow job I promised you? Here it comes. .."