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There was a priest and rabbi who became close friends over many years, and they'd often have lunch together. One day, the rabbi almost ate the priest's ham sandwich, which made the two of them laugh. Then, the priest got a serious look on his face.
"Can I ask you a serious question?" he asked.
"Sure," said the rabbi, "we're good friends."
"Have you ever eaten pork?"
The rabbi paused. "Yes, I have. I was touring the world, and I had stopped in China. A group of locals brought me home for dinner, even though I couldn't speak the language and they didn't speak English. They were very proud of the main course, which was roasted pig. I couldn't tell them it was against my religion, and I didn't want to offend them, so I ate it. I'm sure the lord forgives me, because I was working hard to present a friendly image of his people. Now, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure, you've been honest with me." says the more...
Addicted to Your Cell Phone? Tangled in a web of wireless? Maybe you should ask yourself these questions.
1. Do parts of your body tingle when you get free cell phone minutes?
2. Does raising your children interfere with programming your speed dial?
3. Do you have long-distance conversations while sitting on the toilet in a public restroom?
4. Does the term fashion statement mean to you matching your outfit with your cell phone carrying case?
5. When getting into a car accident, is your first response "Can you hold on a moment, I’m hemorrhaging?"
6. Does the sound of static trigger dark memories of ill-fated connections?
7. Do you use the menu light as your night light?
8. Does it take you an hour on a regular phone to get the same feeling of a five-minute cellular call?
9. When receiving a phone call, do you ever ask the film projectionist to lower the volume of the movie?
There are these three girls and their boyfriends all have the same name. So in order to keep them from getting confused, they decided to give their boyfriends nicknames. So they asked the first girl what she called her boyfriend. And she says, "I call my man 7-up." They ask her," Why do you call your man that," and she says," Because he's seven inches long and is always up. They ask the second girl what she calls her man. She says," I call my man Mountain Dew." They ask," Why do you call your man that," and she says," Because he likes to Mount me and to Do me." They ask the third girl the same thing and she says, "I like to call my man Jack Daniels." They look at her puzzled and say," Why do you call your man that, Jack Daniels is a Hard Liquor," and she says, "Exactly."
An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard.
She said,' 'Daddy, what is sex?''
The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she was old enough to ask the question, then she was old enough to get a straight answer.
He proceeded to tell her all about the' birds and the bees.''
When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open.
Her father said,' 'Why did you ask that question, honey?''
She replied,' 'Mom told me to tell you that dinner will be ready in just a few sex.''
A man walks into a bar, he see's a jar full of money, he ask's how he can get the money.The bartender say's you have to do three tasks.The first is chug a pitcher of beer down.(He chugs it down). The second is take the Rotten tooth out of this rotweiler out back, but while your out there do the third. So he ask's what it is. He says Do my old grandma because she's never had a orgasm. So he runs out.And he hears the dog howl real loud, he runs back in and says "Where Is The Grandma With The Rotton Tooth?"
Pagan Lightbulb Jokes (Okay, this is REALLY vague, but I'm sure some people are going to love it...)
*How many lesbian feminist Dianic Wiccans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one, and it's NOT FUNNY!!!
*How many Dianics does it take to change a light bulb?
(any large number here) -- One to change the light bulb, one to prepare the environmental impact statement, and the rest to do a self-criticism afterwards...
*How many Dianics does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but that bulb has really got to want to change.
*How many years does it take a Dianic Wiccan to change a lightbulb?
You can change it whenever you are empowered to do so.
*How many years does it take a Dianic Wiccan to change a lightbulb?
Not sure.....we'll call Z. Bhudapest and get back to you!
*How many Dianic women does it take to change a lightbulb?
That's W-I-M-M-I-N, more...
HOW THE AMERICANS WITH DISABILITIES ACT STOLE CHRISTMAS
by Paul Edwards
' Twas a while before Christmas when Santa Claus said,
"Now the ADA's passed, I've a pain in my head.
It used to be easy to hire the elves
Who made all the toys and who stocked all the shelves.
Then the time came when the Congress did say
That I had to be careful about who I pay.
So I went and got Rudolph to pilot my sleigh.
He was racially different, so that was okay.
I used to hire men elves but that had to stop.
I had to let women elves into the shop.
Then Buddhists and Muslims and Croats and Jews
Became part of the mix from which I had to choose.
And just when it seemed I had got used to all
Then the ADA passed and it changed every call.
Before I was forced to hire folks from all nations
But now I am told to make accommodations!
Who understands all that the new law demands?
You must hire consultants! Put more...