Aspirins Jokes / Recent Jokes

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover after the night at a business function. He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.
And, next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror and notices a note on the table:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping – Love you!!"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3am, drunk and out of your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in more...

A man brings his wife a glass of water and two aspirins. Shelooks surprised and says, I don't have a headache!" He says, "Aha!"

A man was interviewing for a sales representative. One candidate wouldhave been ideal for the position except that he had a disconcertingmannerism. He kept winking." Look here, I'd like to give you the job, you've got good referencesand experience. The trouble is this trick you've got of winking all thetime, it might put our customers off." "No worries." the candidate replied. "All I've got to do to get rid ofit is to take a couple of aspirins." So saying he began emptying his pockets. The employer was startled tosee dozens of condoms, multi coloured ones, ribbed ones, heavy dutyvarieties and every known brand of standard condom." Here we are." said the rep. He swallowed two aspirins and his winkingstopped at once." Thats all very well but we couldn't hire a man who was going to bewomanising all over his territory." "Oh I wouldn't dream of it, I'm happily married." "Then how do you account for all of these things?" more...

Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself
to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order, spotless, clean. So's the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you."
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot
breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His! son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A. M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on more...

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove,
I left early to get groceries to make more...

Larry wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Larry looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean.
So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table: “Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you. ” So he goes to the kitchen, and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating.
Larry asks, “Son, what happened last night? ”
His son says, “Well, you came home after 3 A. M., drunk and delirious, broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door. ”
Confused, Larry asks, “So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting more...

Sam wakes up at home with a huge hangover. Forcing himself to open his eyes, the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and notices his clothes in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, all spotless and clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table, "Sweetheart, your breakfast is on the stove. I had to leave early to go shopping. Love you."
So, he goes to the kitchen and, sure enough, there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is sitting at the table, eating.
"What happened last night, son?" Sam asks.
His son replies, "Well, you came home after 3:00 AM, very drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Sam asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and more...