Associate Jokes

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So.... he told the associate pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the associate pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?" The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! Saint Peter was more...

A paralegal, an associate and a partner of a prestigious law firm are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with Brad Pitt."
Poof! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the associate. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other."
Poof! He's gone.
"You're next," the Genie says to the partner.
The partner says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

One Sunday morning the local church pastor called his associate and told him he was under the weather and that he would have to preach this morning. So the associate told the pastor that is fine and get well. So the pastor got his golfing clothes on and drove to an out of town golf course so no one would recognize him. He went through holes 1 through 17 with par or better. The pastor said to himself this is the best round of golf I have ever played. So he teed off on hole 18 and he hit a hole in one. He was stoked. He looks up to heaven and says God did you see that. God replied yeah, I did, but who are you going to tell.

"My sex life has improved immeasurably since my wife and I got twin beds," the business executive confided to an associate.
"How can that be?" the associate asked.
"Well," replied the exec, "hers is in Connecticut and mine's in Manhattan."

As A Young Man, Norton Was An Exceptional Golfer. At The Age Of 26, However, He Decided To Become A Priest, And Joined A Rather Peculiar Order. He Took The Usual Vows Of Poverty, Chastity, But His Order Also Required That He Quit Golf And Never Play Again.

This Was Particularly Difficult For Norton, But He Agreed And Was Finally Ordained A Priest. One Sunday Morning, The Reverend Father Norton Woke Up And Realizing It Was An Exceptionally Beautiful And Sunny Early Spring Day, Decided He Just Had To Play Golf.

So, He Told The Associate Pastor That He Was Feeling Sick And Persuaded Him To Say Mass For Him That Day. As Soon As The Associate Pastor Left The Room, Father Norton Headed Out Of Town To A Golf Course About Forty Miles Away. This Way He Knew He Wouldn't Accidentally Meet Anyone He Knew From His Parish. Setting Up On The First Tee, He Was Alone. After All, It Was Sunday Morning And Everyone Else Was In Church!

At About This Time, Saint Peter more...