Reverend Jokes

At the conclusion of the sermon, the worshipers filed out of the sanctuary to greet the minister.
As one of them left, he shook the minister's hand, thanked him for the sermon and said, "Thanks for the message, Reverend. You know, you must be smarter than Einstein."
Beaming with pride, the minister said, "Why, thank you, brother!"
As the week went by, the minister began to think about the man's compliment. The more he thought, the more he became baffled as to why anyone would deem him smarter than Einstein. So he decided to ask the man the following Sunday.
The next Sunday he asked the parishioner if he remembered the previous Sunday's comment about the sermon.
The parishioner replied that he did.
The minister asked, "Exactly what did you mean that I must be smarter than Einstein?"
The man replied, "Well, Reverend, they say that Einstein was so smart that only ten people in the entire world could understand him. But more...

One Sunday morning, a man attended the service at the local church. He was so moved by the preacher's sermon that he stopped to shake his hand. "Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I have ever heard," the man said.
"Thank you, sir, " the Reverend replied, "but I must ask that you not use profanity in the Lord's house."
"Sorry, Reverend, I just can't help myself," said the man. "That was just such a damn good sermon."
"Sir, please," replied the Reverend. "As I've said, I would appreciate if you would not use profanity in church."
"Okay, Reverend," the man said. "I just want you to know that I thought it was so damn good that I put $5000 in the collection plate."
"No shit!!!" exclaimed the wide-eyed Reverend.

The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small
congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should do, so he walked through the open door of the bar and sat down next to the woman.
"Mrs. Fitzgerald," the reverend said sternly.

"This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't
you let me take you home?"
you let me take you home?"

"Shure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.

When Mrs Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to
weave back and forth. The reverend realized that she had
had too much to drink and he grabbed hold of her arms to
steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and
tumbled to the floor. After rolling around more...

After years of his wife's pleading, this good ol boy finally goes with her to her little local Church on Sunday morning. He was so moved by the Preacher's sermon that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand. He said, "Reverend, that was the best gawd damn sermon I ever did hear!"The Preacher replied, "Oh!! Why, thank you sir, but please... I'd appreciate it if you didn't use the Lord's name in vain!"The man said, "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself, it was a good gawddamn sermon!"The Reverend said, "Sir, PLEASE, I cannot have you behaving this way at Church"! The man said, "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so gawddamn good, I put $500. 00 in the collection plate!"And the Reverend said, "NO SHIT?!"

After years of his wife's pleading, this rich good ole boy finally goes with her to her little local Church on Sunday morning. He was so moved by the preacher's sermon that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand.
He said, "Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!"
The Preacher replied, "Oh! Why, thank you sir, but please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's house."
The man said, "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself, it was such a damn good sermon!"
The Reverend said, "Sir, PLEASE, I cannot have you behaving this way in Church!"
The man said, "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so damn good, I put $5000 in that there collection plate."
The Reverend looks stunned, and says, "NO SH**?"