Astronomers Jokes / Recent Jokes

How many radio astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They are not interested in that short wave stuff.

How physicists do it... Physicists do it a quantum at a time. Physicists do it at the speed of light. Cosmologists do it in the first three minutes. Mathematical physicists understand the theory of how to do it, but have difficulty obtaining practical results. Quantum physicists can either know how fast they do it, or where they do it, but not both. Particle physicists do it energetically. Particle physicists to it with charm. Aerodynamicists do it in drag. Astrophysicists do it with a Big Bang. Astronomers do it all night. Astronomers do it in clusters. Astronomers do it on mountain tops. Astronomers do it with white dwarfs and red giants.

How many physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
Eleven. One to do it and ten to co-author the paper.
How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, astronomers prefer the dark.
How many radio astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They are not interested in that short wave stuff.
How many general relativists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One holds the bulb, while the other rotates the universe.

According to CNN, leading astronomers have declared that Pluto is no longer a planet due to its small size. For the same reason, astronomers have also declared me a woman.

LONDON (Nov 8, 1996 1:48 p.m. EST) - Scientists searching for one of the fundamental keys to the universe found they had been beaten to the answer by the comic cult novel "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"; and the answer was 42.
In the British novel and radio serial by Douglas Adams, an alien race programs a computer called Deep Thought to provide the ultimate answer to understanding life and the universe.
In the novel, seven and a half million years later Deep Thought comes back with the result - 42.
Astronomers at Britain's Cambridge University took a little less time - three years - to calculate the Hubble Constant that determines the age of the universe. But the answer was the same.
"It caused quite a few laughs when we arrived at the figure 42, because we're all great fans of The Hitchhiker's Guide," Dr. Keith Grange, one of the team of Cambridge scientists who worked on the project, said Friday.
"Everyone thought it was quite more...