Attend Jokes / Recent Jokes

(If any of these are not original, please blame it on my Commerce 335 professor,
Dr. Yair Wand. Otherwise, all humour can be attributed to him as the source.)
A physics professor was very strict about attendance, and despised
tardiness. Every student caught arriving to class late (especially those
interrupting his lecture) was quickly reprimanded in front of the whole class.
Students were quick to comment on the professor's genetics. Well, one day a
student entered through the front doors of the lecture hall, while the prof was
writing notes on the chalkboard. The professor caught the student out of the
corner of his eye (this acute sense of peripheral vision, further supported the
rumours of his evolution), and turned to face the student. He demanded, "What
do you think you're doing?" Being a science student, one naturally thinks
quickly, so the student snapped up and replied, "I came down from the back to
get more...

Years ago it was required that in order for a student to receive credit for a particular course, a card (listing of his/her courses) had to be signed by the instructor/lecturer. It was, at the time, policy that students attend their courses. But depending on the size of the class, it was often quite possible to receive credit, even after not attending the class regularly.

Not so, with this physics professor...if he didn't recognize you, you would have to repeat the course (& attend!). On one occasion, a student handed his card to be signed. The professor looked at the name, then at the student, and said, "I've never seen you in my class," and handed back the card.

Now being a science student, he naturally thought quickly, and proceeded to the end of the line. When he was at the front again, he handed his card to the prof. The prof looked at the name, then at the student, and said, "You look familiar. OK", and signed the card.

1) How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
You open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. 2) How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
You open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. 3) The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend, except one. Which animal does not attend?
The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. 4) There is a river you must cross. But it is filled with crocodiles. How do you manage it?
You swim across - all the crocodiles are attending the animal conference.

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a "professional."Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult.1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?Open the refrigerator put in the elephant and close the refrigerator. Wrong Answer!Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. This tests your memory.
OK, even if you did not answer the first three more...