Attitude Jokes / Recent Jokes

Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really sayingin all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/hekeeps cranking out. AVERAGE: Not too bright.EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders todate.ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily.ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated.CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law.UNLIMITED POTENTIAL: Will stick with us until retirement.QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for errors.TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: Conceited.TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPERTUNITY TO PROGRESS: Buys drinks forsuperiors.INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION: Knows more than superiors.STERN DISCIPLINARIAN: A real jerk.TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS: Knows when to keep mouth shut.APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC: Finds someone else to dothe job.A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused.NOT A DESK PERSON: Did not go to college.EXPRESSES SELF WELL: Can string two sentences together.SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB: Miserable home more...

On the first day of Christmas, technology gave to me: A database with a broken b-tree
(what the hell is a b-tree anyway?)
On the second day of Christmas, technology gave to me: Two transceiver failures
(CRC errors? Collisions? What is going on?) And a database with a broken b-tree
(Rebuild WHAT? It's a 10GB database!)
On the third day of Christmas, technology gave to me: Three French users
(who, of course, think they know everything) Two transceiver failures
(which are now spewing packets all over the net) And a database with a broken b-tree
(Backup? What backup?)
On the fourth day of Christmas, technology gave to me: Four calls for support
(playing the same Christmas song over and over) Three French users
(Why do they like to argue so much over trival things?) Two transceiver failures
(How the hell do I know which ones they are?) And a database with a broken b-tree
(Pointer error? What a pointer error?)
On the more...

Mary received a parrot as a gift. The parrot was fully grown with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was a curse: those that weren't curses were to say the least, rude.

Mary tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite things. Words and playing soft music...anything she could think of. Nothing worked.

She yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. She shook the bird and the bird got madder and more rude. Finally in a moment of desperation, Mary put the parrot in the freezer to get a minute of peace.

For a few moments she heard the bird swearing, squawking kicking and screaming and then, suddenly there was absolute quiet. Mary was frightened that she might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Mary's extended arm and said:

"I'm very sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor more...

A guy named David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown, with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example.
Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shook the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer.
For a few moments he heard the bird squawk and kick and scream. Then suddenly there was quiet. Not a sound for half a minute. David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I will endeavor at once to correct my more...

Dictionary of Evaluation Comments
Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.
AVERAGE: Not too bright.
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date.
ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily.
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated.
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law.
UNLIMITED POTENTIAL: Will stick with us until retirement.
QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for errors.
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: Conceited.
TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPERTUNITY TO PROGRESS: Buys drinks for superiors.
INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION: Knows more than superiors.
STERN DISCIPLINARIAN: A real jerk.
TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS: Knows when to keep mouth shut.
APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC: Finds someone else to do the job.
A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused.
NOT A DESK PERSON: Did more...

David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and terrible vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that werent expletives were, to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the birds attitude. He was constantly saying polite words and playing soft music, he did anything he could think of. Nothing worked. When he yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. If he shook the bird, the bird got madder and ruder. Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Davids extended arm and said: "Im sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions, so I ask for your forgiven ess. I will try to correct my behavior." David was astounded at the birds more...

Once there was an old and very wise man. Every day he would sit outside a gas station in his rocking chair and wait to greet motorists as they passed through his small town. On this day, his granddaughter knelt down at the foot of his chair and slowly passed the time with him.

As they sat and watched the people come and go, a tall man who surely had to be a tourist
since they knew everyone in the town
began looking around as if he were checking out the area for a place to live.
The stranger walked up and asked,"So what kind of town is this that we're in?"
The older gentleman slowly turned to the man and replied," Well, what kind of town are you from?"
The tourist said,"In the town I'm from everyone is very critical of each other. The neighbours all gossip about everyone, and it's a real negative place to live. I'm sure glad to be leaving. It is not a very cheerful place. "
The man in the chair looked at the more...