Attractive Jokes / Recent Jokes
This one sounds better spoken because of the ryhmes. Try it out loud...
Santa, making his rounds, is in a house, when he is approached by a attractive young lass...
"Santa will you stay and play with me?"
"Ho Ho Ho, I gotta go, got to get these toys to the kids you know." and he disappears up the chimmney.
In the next house, he is approached by a another attractive young woman, this one has her robe quite open, with a wonderful veiw of her chest.
"Santa will you stay and play with me?"
"Ho Ho Ho, I gotta go, got to get these toys to the kids you know." and he disappears up the chimmney.
In the next house, he is greeted by yet another attraqctive woman, whom is laying fully undressed on a rug in front of the fireplace.
"Santa will you stay and play with me?"
"Hey, Hey, Hey, might as well stay, can't get up the chimmney with my dick this way!"
The attractive governess, with her small charge in tow, left the park to visit her boyfriend in his hotel room. They embraced warmly and each longed for intimacy, but there seemed to be little they could do with the child watching. Then the governess hit on an idea.
"Bobby," she said to her small charge, "go look out that window and I will give you a dime for every red hat you see."
Delighted with the new game, Bobby ran to the window and stared intently at the passersby below.
Almost a minute passed before Bobby's voice popped up with, "I see a red hat!"
"That's nice," came the governess' muffled reply.
"There's another one," said the boy a short time later.
"Keep counting," the woman managed to say.
"Oh, governess," Bobby exclaimed suddenly.
"What now?" she asked, breathing heavily.
"I just wanted to tell you that this is going to be the most expensive more...
25 facts of life
1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.
2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.
3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor.
4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.
5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
6. A penny saved is worthless.
7. They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be peace in the Middle East. Billions of years from now, when Earth is hurtling toward the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet except a few microorganisms, the microorganisms living in the Middle East will more...
An attractive woman found herself alone in the elevator with a lawyer. "I could push this red button, get down on my knees and give you the best blow job of your life," she purred. He thought a minute and said, "I'm sure you could - but what's in it for me?"
A man standing in line at a check-out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when an attractive woman behind him said, "Hello!" Her face was beaming.
He gave her that "Who-are-you?" look and couldn't remember ever having seen her before. Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized.
"Look," she said, "I'm really sorry, but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children," and walked out of the store.
The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, what the heck is the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers her children! Then he got a little panicky. I don't remember her, he thought, but, MAYBE... during one of the wild parties I went to when I was in college... perhaps I DID father her child!
He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked, "Are you the girl I met at a party in college, and then we got more...
The father was distressed by his thirteen-year-old son's preoccuÂpation with breasts. The boy would repeatedly point to attractive girls and whisper: "Hey, Dad, look at the knockers on that one!"
The father finally took the boy to a psychiatrist, who assured him that just one day's intensive therapy could cure the boy. When the session was over, father and son walked several blocks to a bus stop. The boy remained silent as they passed a number of pretty girls. As they boarded the bus, the father was inwardly complimenting the psychiatrist. Then his son tugged at his sleeve and whispered: "Hey, Dad, look at the ass on that bus driver!"
An old woman is riding in an elevator, when a young, attractive woman, smelling of expensive perfume, gets into the elevator.
She turns to the old woman and arrogantly says, "Romance - Ralph Lauren, $125 an ounce!"
Then, another young, attractive woman, also smelling of expensive perfume, gets on the elevator. She turns to the old woman and arrogantly says, "Chanel No. 5, $200 an ounce!"
Upon reaching her destination a couple of floors later, the old woman is preparing to exit the elevator. Before leaving, she looks both attractive women in the eye, turns, bends over, farts and says, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound!"