Aunty Jokes / Recent Jokes

Six key indicators of when the honeymoon period has finished.

1. Addictions
Before: You tell her you don't mind the occasional cold beer on a hot day with your mates, and that you've taken recreational drugs but those days are well and truly over.
After: For the fifth night in a row you stagger in blotto, dig out your stash and mull up, pass out in the lounge in your underpants and expect her to accept that you're just being you.

2. Bodily functions
Before: You spray aerosol after a crap; piss on the side of the bowl to reduce noise and never, ever fart in her presence.
After: You fart in front of her with impunity and obvious pride, commenting on the food intake for the day and speculating on the resultant odour. Despite repeated pleas to the contrary, you fart in bed and hold her head under the covers. You think it's hilarious.

3. Relations/Friends
Before: Her aunty Jane is a real character with a lively personality and more...

"What are you doing today, oh mother of my children?" queries papa ji. "Well," replies mum ji, "I think I'll get some chores out of the way, like marrying off your son!" "What a great idea." agrees dad. "You do that while I wash the cars!"

And so the wheels of the' marriage machine' are set in motion. Once moving anyone wishing to stop them is simply steam rolled over! Before long an unsuspecting couple find that it has carried them all the way to the temple. Accompanied by a million voices commanding their every move, they sit cross legged in total bewilderment wondering which order to obey first.



Evolution of the arranged marriage actually starts as soon as the grades have been achieved, the job secured and the Ford Mondeo acquired. For then, life for the single Asian suddenly shifts into the "eligible" gear. Not only do mum and dad treat you like a prize poodle at Crufts but family more...

One day, there was this small boy who was uneducated. His parents were fighting and this is what they said.
"
You're a bitch!"
said the father to his wife.
"
You're a bustard!"
sard the mother to her husband.
"
Mom Dad, what's bicth and bustard?"
asked the small boy.
"
Bitch is female and bustard is male"
answered the father.
He then went down the stairs to the ground hall. His sister fell from the chair and said "
fucker!"
. Again the small boy asked his sister "
Sis, what's fucker?"
. "
The chair"
answered his sister.
He then went to the kitchen and saw his aunty cooking chicken soup. As she was cooking, she accidentally drop the chicken. She said "
Shit!"
. Again the small boy asked his aunty "
Aunt, what's Shit?"
. "
The chicken!"
answered his aunty.
The next day, two more...