Amanda Jokes

Six key indicators of when the honeymoon period has finished.

1. Addictions
Before: You tell her you don't mind the occasional cold beer on a hot day with your mates, and that you've taken recreational drugs but those days are well and truly over.
After: For the fifth night in a row you stagger in blotto, dig out your stash and mull up, pass out in the lounge in your underpants and expect her to accept that you're just being you.

2. Bodily functions
Before: You spray aerosol after a crap; piss on the side of the bowl to reduce noise and never, ever fart in her presence.
After: You fart in front of her with impunity and obvious pride, commenting on the food intake for the day and speculating on the resultant odour. Despite repeated pleas to the contrary, you fart in bed and hold her head under the covers. You think it's hilarious.

3. Relations/Friends
Before: Her aunty Jane is a real character with a lively personality and more...

Knock Knock Who's there! Amanda! Amanda who? Amanda the table!

When a little girl named Amanda was very young, she was allowed to have her best friend, a boy named Kevin, over to spend the night. As the children grew toward adolescence, their parents knew that someday the sleepovers would have to end.
One night, when Kevin and his family were visiting, everyone gathered around the television to watch the Miss America pageant. When Amanda asked if Kevin could stay over, the parents hesitated, wondering if the time had finally come to end the tradition.
At that moment, the pageant host announced a contestant’s measurements: 36-22-36.
“Kevin, ” his mom asked, “what are those numbers? ”
The boy thought for only a moment before answering, “Ninety-four? ”
Kevin got to spend the night.

Kathy and Amanda hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for lunch. Afterwards, the talk got around to their respective love lives.

Kathy confided that there really wasn't anyone special in her life.

Amanda, on the other hand, was beaming about the new man she had found. "He's perfect. He's handsome, and last night when we went out to dinner, he said the four little words I've been waiting to hear a man say to me!"

Kathy said, "He said' will you marry me'?"

Amanda said, "No, he said' put your money away'!"

What 3 words are in the name Amanda?
A, man, DUH!!