Australians Jokes / Recent Jokes
The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.
The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.
Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a sausage sizzle.
If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a media billionaire. Or on the other hand, he may be a wharfie.
There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce.
On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.
Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the plastic milk crate.
All our best heroes are losers.
The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.
It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.
A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in America, but a fine more...
1. The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.3. Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by sausage sizzle.4. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a media billionaire. Or, just conceivably, a wharfie.5. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce.6. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallet by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out. We might have very stupid thieves. Or really stinky sand shoes.7. Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the milk crate.8. All our best heroes are losers.9. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.10. It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.11. A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in more...
1. What's the difference between Aussies and pigs?
>>>
>>> Pigs don't turn into Aussies when they drink.
>>>
>>>>
2. What's the difference between an Australian and a
>>> computer?
>>>
>>> You only have to punch information into a computer once.
>>>
>>>
>>>3. Why do birds fly upside down over Australian?
>>>
>>> It's not worth shitting on.
>>>
>>>
>>>4. Why was the Christ Child not born in Australia?
>>>
>>> You'd have a job finding three wise men, much less
>>>a virgin! !!!
>>>
>>>
>>>5. What do you call a field full of Australians?
>>>
>>> A vacant lot.
>>>
>>>
>>>6. Parachutes
>>>
>>> An Englishman, an Irishman, an Australian and a New
>>>Zealander were onboard a plane, getting ready to make their
>>>first parachute jump. The Englishman's exit was spectacular; he
>>>leapt out of the plane with the cry, " I am doing this more...
THE FOSTERS AD DURING THE OLYMPICS
I don't have a kangaroo for a pet
I don't wrestle with crocodiles And I don't wear a cork hat
I fight wars but never start wars I would rather make peace
I can wear my country's flag with pride
I am a rock I am the ocean I am the island continent
My neighbours are the Smiths, the Wilson's, the Santerellis,
the De Costis, the Wong's and the Jakamarras
I play football without a helmet
I like beetroot on my hamburger
I ride in the front seat of the taxi
I believe it's a prawn not a shrimp
I believe the world is round and down under is on top
I believe Australia is the best address on Earth
And Australians brew the best beer.
now..... THE REAL AUSSIE
I ate my pet Kangaroo
I am shit scared of crocodiles And I wear a baseball cap
I love star wars And the wookie is my favourite
I would rather get pissed
And watch someone else carry the country's more...