Australians Jokes

1. The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.3. Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by sausage sizzle.4. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a media billionaire. Or, just conceivably, a wharfie.5. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce.6. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallet by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out. We might have very stupid thieves. Or really stinky sand shoes.7. Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the milk crate.8. All our best heroes are losers.9. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.10. It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.11. A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in more...

Q: How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One, but you have to pry him off the sheep first. A: Two - one to say "She'll be right mate" and one to fetch the beers. A: 16. One to change the bulb and 15 to say "Good on yer, mate!"

Q: How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 16. One to change the bulb and 15 to say "Good on yer, mate!"

Q: How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two-one to say "She'll be right mate" and one to fetch the beers.

Q: How many Israelis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six--four to storm the room and take control of it, one to forcibly eject the old bulb, and another one to screw it in.

Q: How many SAS men does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to change it and two to shout GO! GO! GO!

Q: How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two--one to say "She'll be right mate" and one to fetch the beers.

Q: How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 16. One to change the bulb and 15 to say "Good on yer, mate!"

Q: How many armies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: At least five. The Germans to start it, the French to give up really easily after only trying for a little while, the Italians to make a start, get nowhere, and then try again from the other side, the Americans to turn up late and finish it off and take all the credit, and the Swiss to pretend more...