Babies Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?
People seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. What are they doing? Cramming for finals?
Old age is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.
Did Adam ever said to Eve, "Watch it! There are plenty more ribs where you came from!"
I drive far too fast to worry about cholesterol.

A mom of an 8 year old boy was awaiting her son's arrival from school. As he ran in, he said he needed to talk to her about making babies. He claimed he knew about the development of a fetus but didn't understand the answer to that "million dollar question". Namely, how did the sperm get into the woman?
The mom asked the boy what he thought the answer was. The boy said that the sperm is manufactured in the man's stomach, it rises up to his chest, then throat, and into his mouth whereupon he kisses the woman and deposits the sperm into her mouth.
The mom told her boy that that was a good guess, but wrong. She said that she would give him a hint...that the sperm came out of the man's penis.
Suddenly, the boy's face became quite red and he said, "YOU MEAN YOU PUT YOUR MOUTH ON THAT THING!!??"

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish It's a long story but one that will have you laughing out LOUD!!

Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was something wrong with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me, "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"

I put my best hamster-healer look on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. (Call my wife.)

"Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!" "Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies." "What?" My son demanded.

"But their names are Bert and Ernie, more...

Kittens, better than babies? Hah! Here now are the top ELEVEN reasons why
babies are better than kittens (and, as any five-year-old will tell you, more
reasons makes my list better. Nyah! Nyah! Nyah!)
11) Babies are rarely known to shed on furniture.
10) No one's allergic to a baby.
9) Having a kitten in the car doesn't let you drive in the carpool lane.
8) An exercise program you can really stick with... that you HAVE to stick
with, whether you like it or not...
7) With a kitten, you don't get to watch otherwise normal adults making
silly faces, jumping up and down, talking nonsense in a high pitched voice,
and generally making fools of themselves. Hours of fun!
6) For an initial investment of a camera and few pieces of film, you can
convince baby's grandparents to buy the kid all the cute but expensive
clothes, toys, furniture, and major appliances s/he will ever need-a good
photographer can buy nothing but diapers for a year. more...

A woman gives birth to twins, a girl and a boy. Her husband isn't there, and she doesn't wantto name them without him seeing them first. Butthe hospital insists that the babies must benamed by the end of the day. Crazy Uncle Louieoverhears this and he names them (unbeknowst tothe couple). Later the husband arrives, and thehappy couple are set to name the babies when anurse informs them that Uncle Louie already tookcare of that. "Oh no!" they cry. "He's crazy anddoesn't know what he's doing. What names did hepick?" The nurse says, "Well, he named the girlDeniece." "Whew, not bad. In fact, that's nice. And how about the boy?" "Denephew."

There was a pregnant women. On the way to the hospital, she got into a wreck. When she woke up her babies were already born. She asked the docter if she could see her babies. He said yes, and don't worry your brother named them. The pregnant woman freaked out and said her brother was an idiot. The doctor said the girl's name is Denice. The pregnant women said, "Maybe my brother is not such an idiot." Then the docter said that the boy's name is "da nephew".

A man was carrying 2 babies, one in each arm while waiting for a train. Along came this woman seeing the 2 cute babies started asking the man, "Aren't they cute, what are their names?"
The man giving the lady an angry look replied "I don't know".
The lady asked again "Which is a boy and which is a girl?". The man looking angrier than before replied "I don't know".
The woman then started to scold the man "What kind of a father are you?".
The man replied "I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman and these are 2 complaints that I am taking back to my company."