Babies Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two candidates for political office inadvertently scheduled simultaneous campaign rallys in the same park of a small New England town. After a lengthy round of speeches, the candidates worked their way through the crowd - shaking hands, kissing babies and beaming mightily.
Suddenly, the skies opened and it began to rain. One of the candidates fled to take shelter in a nearby restaurant along with half a dozen regulars. The other candidate, however, continued to move through the crowd - shaking hands, kissing babies, etc.
"That man's persistence yonder," observed one of the natives, "sure makes it easy to know who to vote for."
"Yep," another native agreed. "Sure can't see myself casting a vote for a man who hasn't the good sense to come in out of the rain."
One afternoon, a little girl returned home from school and announced
that a friend had told her where babies come from.
Amused, her mother replied, "Why don't you tell me all about it?"
The little girl explained, "Well, mummy and daddy take off all of
their clothes, and then daddy's thingy stands up, and then the
mummy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and
that's how you get babies."
Her mother shook her head, leaned over to meet her eye-to-eye,
and said "Oh honey, that's sweet but that's not how you get babies.
That's how you get jewellery.
A Little boy of about seven or eight walked into the kitchen one morning and asked his father, "Dad, do prostitutes have babies".
His father looks at him and says, "Of course they do, where do you think policemen come from".
A doctor had just delivered twins. They were a boy and a girl. The head nurse brought them out for their father to see. He could hardly believe his good fortune. The girl baby had a pink blanket wrapped around her and the boy baby was enclosed in a blue blanket. He took one step forward just so he could touch the babies and believe they had finally arrived. As he started to touch them the nurse took a step backwards and said, "You can`t touch those babies. You aren`t sterile!" With out missing a beat, he retorted "You`re telling ME I`m not sterile?!"
The Jones didn't have any children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Jones kissed his wife and said, "I'm off, honey. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell with the hopes of making a sale.
"Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to... "
"Oh, there's no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Jones cut in.
"You have?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."
"That's exactly what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked a blushing Mrs. Jones.
"You just leave everything to me," he replied. "Usually, I try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread more...
Banta was carrying two babies, one in each arm while waiting for a train. Along came this woman and seeing the two cute babies started asking the man, "Aren't they cute, what are their names?"
Banta, giving the lady an angry look, replied, "I don't know."
The lady asked, "Which is a boy and which is a girl?"
Banta looking angrier than before replied, "I don't know."
The woman then started to scold the man, "What kind of a father are you?"
Banta replied, "I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman and these are two complaints that I am taking back to my company!"