Babies Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little boy is adopted from Korea and is flown to the USA to meet his new parents. A few years later the parents decide to adopt again on the way to the airport the little boy sees planes coming in to land. He says to his mother, "Look at all the babies being born."
(he thinks all babies come on air planes Ha Ha)

Resume of: Shaynana Chiquita Shanekia "Pookie" Jones ADDRESS: 2036 South Side Skreet, Compton, CA 11122 PHONE: Cut off right now but will be back on by the 15th OBJECTIVE: To one day forefill my dream of bein'a Soul Train danca and you know just gittin' my life togetha and stuff. I also hope to one day be the best cosmotologecalist (you know what I mean)Beauty Speciacalist) there is in my hood. SKILLS: I do hurh (hair) and nails in my kitchen and I be using my glitter and weave bonding glue for arts and crafts and stuff. I be doing braids in any texture or color: synthetic or real human hurh. Black, blonde, brown, dark brown, dark black, gold blonde, dark gold blonde,red, maroon,blue and rainbo colors. EDUCATION: THE "GET YOURS" HOME CORREPONDENCE COURSE, INC. BIG MAMA'S HOUSE OF HAIR N' NAILS N' FRIED CHICKEN N' GREENS (gradmuated with honors for the most extenzions done in a year's time). WORK EXPERIENCE: Big Daddy's Motel Motor Lodge Bar & Grill Pool Hall & Bait more...

A man was carrying 2 babies, one in each arm while waiting for a train. Along came this woman seeing the 2 cute babies started asking the man, "Aren't they cute, what are their names?" The man giving the lady an angry look replied "I don't know". The lady asked again "Which is a boy and which is a girl?". The man looking angrier than before replied "I don't know". The woman then started to scold the man "What kind of a father are you?". The man replied "I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman and these are 2 complaints that I am taking back to my company."

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish It’s a long story but one that will have you laughing out LOUD!!
Overview: I had to take my son’s hamster to the vet. Here’s what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was something wrong with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room. “He’s just lying there looking sick, ” he told me, “I’m serious, Dad. Can you help? ”
I put my best hamster-healer look on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. (Call my wife.)
“Honey, ” I called, “come look at the hamster! ” “Oh, my gosh, ” my wife diagnosed after a minute. “She’s having babies. ” “What? ” My son demanded.
“But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom! ”
I was equally outraged. “Hey, how can more...

Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in.
Child: Mother, where do babies come from?
Mom: Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have sex.(The daughter looks puzzled.)
Mom continues: That means the daddy puts his penis in mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey.
Child: Oh I see, but the other night when I came into your and daddy's room, you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?
Mom: Jewelry, dear.

Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in.Child: Mother, where do babies come from? Mom: Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have sex.(The daughter looks puzzled.)Mom continues: That means the daddy puts his penis in mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey.Child: Oh I see, but the other night when I came into your and daddy's room, you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that? Mom: Jewelry, dear.

One day there was a woman who was about to have babies. She went to a fortune teller and the fortune teller said she would have twins - and they would be demons. The news somehow got on TV, so there were FBI agents and cops in the hospital room where the woman was going to give birth. They had guns ready to shoot the babies when they came out. One of the babies stuck his head out and saw what was going on. So he stuck his head back in and told his brother. After hearing what was going to happen the second brother said, "Let's go out the back way."
An ant and an elephant story "One day there was an ant and an elephant walking down a street.
The ant fell into a manhole so he looked up at the elephant and said "hey help me out", so the elephant lowered his dick and let the ant crawl out of the hole.
As they continued on with thier walk the elephant fell into a hole, he called out "hey ant help me out of this hole". The ant said okay, I'll more...