Babies Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why do doctors slap babies when they are born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.

Why are babies always gurgling with joy? Because its a nappy time.

There were three little babies sitting next to each other in shopping carts in the grocery store check-out line. The first little baby says, "Ugh, look at this - my mom just bought strained plums!" The second baby says, "You think that's bad - my mom just bought strained peas!" And the third baby says... "You think you guys got it bad? How would you like to share a breast with a guy that smokes cigars!"

A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today."The mother, more that a little surprised, asked fearfully, "That's interesting. How do you make babies?""It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change' y' to' i' and add' es'."

There were three little babies sitting next to each other in shopping carts in the grocery store check-out line.
The first little baby says, "Ugh, look at this - my mom just bought strained plums!"
The second baby says, "You think that's bad - my mom just bought strained peas!"
And the third baby says... "You think you guys got it bad? How would you like to share a breast with a guy that smokes cigars!"

Two candidates for political office inadvertently scheduled simultaneous campaign rallies in the same park of a small New England town.

After a lengthy round of speeches, the candidates worked their way through the crowd--shaking hands, kissing babies and beaming mightily.

Suddenly, the skies opened and it began to rain. One of the candidates fled to take shelter in a nearby restaurant along with half a dozen regulars.

The other candidate, however, continued to move through the crowd--shaking hands, kissing babies, etc.

"That man's persistence yonder," observed one of the natives, "sure makes it easy to know who to vote for."

"Yep," another native agreed. "Sure can't see myself voting for an asshole who hasn't the brains to come in out of the rain."

Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time. Indeed convenient!
Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name.
Male mosquitoes are vegetarians. Only females bite.
The average person's field of vision encompasses a 200-degree wide angle.
To find out if a watermelon is ripe, knock it, and if it sounds hollow then it is ripe.
Canadians can send letters with personalized postage stamps showing their own photos on each stamp.
Babies' eyes do not produce tears until the baby is approximately six to eight weeks old.
It snowed in the Sahara Desert in February of 1979.
Plants watered with warm water grow larger and more quickly than plants watered with cold water.
Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.
Those stars and colors you see when you rub your eyes are called phosphenes.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop more...