Babies Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man was carrying two babies, one in each arm while waiting for a train.
Along came this woman and seeing the two cute babies started asking the man, "Aren't they cute, what is their names?"
The man, giving the lady an angry look, replied, "I don't know."
The lady asked, "Which is a boy and which is a girl?"
The man looking angrier than before replied, "I don't know."
The woman then started to scold the man, "What kind of a father are you?"
The man replied, "I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman and these are two complaints that I am taking back to my company!"
this women was 8 months pregnant with triplet boys. while out one night she was shot 3 times. they rush her to the hospital and were able to save her and the babies but were not able to get the bullets out of the 3 babies. six years pass and the first little boy comes running out of the bathroom and up to his mother and shouts" momMy mommy i just shit a bullet" she explanins to him that when she was pregnant she got shot but the bullet was out of him and now he is fine. about 15 min. later the second little boy comes running out and tells her the same thing so she tells him that the bullet is out so he is fine now. then the third little boy comes running out and startes to say something so she cuts him off and says "I KNOW I KNOW YOU SHIT A BULLET " HE SAYS NO I WAS PLAYING WITH MYSELF AND I SHOT THE DOG!!
If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish It's a long story but one that will have you laughing out LOUD!!
Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was something wrong with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me, "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"
I put my best hamster-healer look on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. (Call my wife.)
"Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!" "Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies." "What?" My son demanded.
"But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
I was equally more...
Little Johnny came running into the house and asked,"Mommy, can little girls have babies?""No", said his mom, "of course not."Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to hisfriends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"
Promises are like babies: fun to make, but hell to deliver.
There were three little babies sitting next to each other in shopping carts in the grocery store check-out line.
The first little baby says, "Ugh, look at this - my mom just bought strained plums!"
The second baby says, "You think that's bad - my mom just bought strained peas!"
And the third baby says... "You think you guys got it bad?
How would you like to share a breast with a guy that smokes cigars!"