Bachelors Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't?
Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said the first, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asked the second." You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way -' Take a clean dish and....'"

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifed from politics to cooking.
"I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it."
"Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other.
"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way -
'Take a clean dish'".

Most all bachelors have been the victims of a blind date.
Numerous well meaning friends and relatives are always willing to "fix up" unsuspecting bachelors with girls whom they describe as "perfect for you".
However, from the description given, it is difficult to imagine what these girls may be like. After considerable research, as a public service, I have attempted to translate some of these descriptive
phrases into plain English:
dandy little house keeper:
She has been married three times and kept all the houses
fine character:
She's ugly
knows how to handle money:
She's a spendthrift and great at spending yours
spotless reputation:
She's ugly
strong family ties:
She's a Mafia Princess
loves children:
She's pregnant and needs a husband
wonderful personality:
She's fat
great sense of humor:
She's fat and will laugh at anything you say
the outdoor type:
She hunts, fishes, chews more...

Most all bachelors have been the victims of a blind date. Numerous well meaning friends and relatives are always willing to "fix up" unsuspecting bachelors with girls whom they describe as "perfect for you". However, from the description given, it is difficult to imagine what these girls may be like. After considerable research, as a public service, I have attempted to translate some of these descriptive phrases into plain English: dandy little house keeper:
She has been married three times and kept all the houses fine character:
She's ugly knows how to handle money:
She's a spendthrift and great at spending yours spotless reputation:
She's ugly strong family ties:
She's a Mafia Princess loves children:
She's pregnant and needs a husband wonderful personality:
She's fat great sense of humor:
She's fat and will laugh at anything you say the outdoor type:
She hunts, fishes, chews tobacco, and shaves just like the guys ready to more...