Background Jokes

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife
1.0. I soon noticed
that the new program began unexpected child processing
that took up a lot of
space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other
programs and now
monitors all other system activity. Applications
such as Poker Night
10.3, Football 5.0, Golf 7.5, Barhopping 6.9 &
Racing 3.6 no longer run,
crashing the system whenever selected
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while
attempting to run
my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going
back to Girlfriend 7.0, but
the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User.
______________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade
from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it
is just a Utilities more...

Letter of complaint from a woman to technical support dept.
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5. 0 to Husband 1. 0 and noticed a slow down in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5. 0 system.

In addition, Husband 1. 0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9. 9, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7. 4, NBA 3. 2 and NHL 4. 1. Conversation 8. 0 also no longer runs and Housecleaning 2. 6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5. 3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? smile. gif
Signed,
Desperate
And the answer received...
Dear Desperate:
First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5. 0 was an entertainment package, while Husband 1. 0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6. 2. Husband 1. 0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilt 3. 3 more...

Memo from Director General to Manager:
Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the car park. Staff should meet in the car park at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.
Memo from Manager to Department Head:
Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will disappear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The Director General will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some background information. This is not something that can be seen every day.
Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:
The Director General will today more...

Dear Bob in Tech Support,
I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever, as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I've
tried have always conflicted with it.
I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off, but I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them separately, and it works
okay. GirlFriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Leisure 3.1 and QuietTime programs, often trying to abort them with some sort of timing incompatibility.
I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run GirlFriend more...

I put this message on my machine during the baseball season. In the
background is the sound effect of a cheering crowd at a baseball game.
''We're back at Wrigley Field for this, the final game of the 1990 baseball
season. The Cubs and Mets are tied for first, whoever wins this game takes
home the National League Eastern Division championship. We're in the 9th
inning, Cubs trailing 2-1, but they have Dunston on third with two
outs. Coming up to bat now, here is BOB! (crowd cheers in background) This
has been a solid season for Bob, 26 home runs, 87 runs batted in. A base hit
now will tie it for the Cubs, while a home run will give them the
championship..
"Bob digs in against Dwight Gooden. Gooden has been masterful today, striking
out 16, while only allowing 3 base hits. Here comes the pitch... AND
THERE'S A LONG DRIVE DEEP TO RIGHT! THAT COULD BE OUT OF HERE! DARRYL
STRAWBERRY RACES OVER AND MAKES A LEAPING CATCH AT THE WALL more...