"Dear Tech Support" joke

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife
1.0. I soon noticed
that the new program began unexpected child processing
that took up a lot of
space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other
programs and now
monitors all other system activity. Applications
such as Poker Night
10.3, Football 5.0, Golf 7.5, Barhopping 6.9 &
Racing 3.6 no longer run,
crashing the system whenever selected
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while
attempting to run
my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going
back to Girlfriend 7.0, but
the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User.
______________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade
from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it
is just a Utilities and
Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM
and is designed
by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return
to Girlfriend 7.0. It
is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program
files from the system
once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife
1.0 is designed to not
allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child
Support- Homeless. I recommend that you keep Wife
1.0 and work on improving
the situation. I suggest installing the background
application "Yes Dear" to
alleviate additional software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command
C:APOLOGIZE, because
ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command
before the
system
will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very
high maintenance. Wife
1.0 comes with several support programs, such as
Clean and Sweep 3.0,
Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. The downside is that
it also comes with a
sub-program called Spend It 12.9 that can not be
deleted. Watch this
program VERY carefully, or you will have to refer
to your manual again under2nd
Job
- Mobile Home - Collecting Cans.
Be very careful how you use these programs. Improper
use will cause the
system to launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once this
happens, the only way to
improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase
additional software.
Recommend Flowers 2.1, Vacations 8.4 and Diamonds
5.0 WARNING!!! DO
NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With
Short Skirt
3.3 or Babysitter 17.0 These applications are not
supported by Wife 1.0 and
will cause irreversible damage to the operating system
and your personal hard drive.
Best of luck,
Tech Support