Balance Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once upon a time, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things," God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely more...

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for seven days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him. He inquired of God, "Where were you?". God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds; look my child, look what I've just finished making. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said what is it? God replied, "its another planet, but this time, I' ve decided to put LIFE on it. I've named it earth and there's going to be a balance between evertyhing on it. For example, there's North America and South America. North America is going to be rich and South America is going to be poor, and the narrow bit joining them - that's going to be a hot spot. Now look over here. I've put a continent of white people in the North and another one of black people in the South". And then the archangel said, "and what's that long white line there?" And God said "ahhh that's the land of the long white cloud - more...

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael, look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different more...

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God. "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
Balance?" Inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth but cold and harsh while southern Europe is going to be poor but sunny and pleasant. "I have made some lands abundant in water and other lands parched deserts. This one will be extremely hot and while this one will be very cold and more...

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for 6 days. Eventually Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the 7th day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards, through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?""It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it EARTH and it's going to be a great place of balance.""Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.God explained, pointing to the different parts of EARTH, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there, I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people." God continued, pointing to different countries, "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one more...

God was in the process of creating the universe. And he was explaining to his subordinates. ..............
"Look everything should be in balance.
For every 10 deer there should be a lion.
Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States. I have blessed them with prosperity and money. But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension....
And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature. But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes....
And here is south America. I have given them lots of forests. But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests... So you see fellows, everything should be in balance."
One of the angels asked... "God, what is this beautiful country here?"
God said "Aha... that is the crown piece of all. INDIA. My most precious creation. It has understanding and friendly people. Sparkling streams, serene mountains. more...

You go to get a balance inquiry, and instead of printing out a receipt the screen says: "Not worth wasting paper", and ejects your card. You try to get a balance inquiry, and the screen says: "Account not found." and keeps your card.You insert your card, and try to get some cash, and the ATM laughs and spits out your shredded card.You withdraw some money to pay some bills, count it, and the screen says: "What, you thought there was some EXTRA there? HA!", and ejects your card clear across the room.You think you've got $100 in your account and go to take out $50, and the screen says: "Not in this lifetime." and laughs as you bang on the machine, trying desperately to get your card back that the machine has taken.You go to the ATM, and there's a picture of you a-la-"Most Wanted" staring forlornly at the ATM camera with a caption that reads: "Wanted for trying to get water from a dry well."