Balance Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for seven days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him. He inquired of God, "Where were you?". God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds; look my child, look what Ive just finished making. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said what is it? God replied, "its another planet, but this time, I ve decided to put LIFE on it. Ive named it earth and theres going to be a balance between evertyhing on it. For example, theres North America and South America. North America is going to be rich and South America is going to be poor, and the narrow bit joining them - thats going to be a hot spot. Now look over here. Ive put a continent of white people in the North and another one of black people in the South". And then the archangel said, "and whats that long white line there?" And God said "ahhh thats the land of the long white cloud - Aotearoa - (New more...

God was in the process of creating the universe. And he was explaining to his subordinates.

'Look everything should be in balance. For example, after every 10 deer there should be a lion.

Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States. I have blessed them with prosperity and money. But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension....
And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature.
But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.

And here is South America. I have given them lots of forests. But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests. So you see fellows, everything should be in balance.

One of the angels asked...
'God, what is this extremely beautiful country here?'

God said........' Ahah... that is the crown piece of all.
' Sri Lanka, my most precious creation. It has understanding and friendly People. more...

"European" Joke
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven. God went missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it,
I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be poor, the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, more...

This guy walks into a petstore. For the past two weeks he has suspected his wife of cheating on him, so he decides to buy a parrot that can tell him what goes on at his housee during the day while he is at work.
'Well' says the petstore owner, 'I only got one bird that can do that, but he's got no legs. The guy looks at him and says, 'Well if he ain't got no legs, how's he balance himself on the perch.
'He's got a really long penis, so he wraps it around the perch.' The guy thinks it over and decides to buy the parrot. He takes it home and sure enough the bird wraps his penis around the perch for balance.
Everyday the man comes home and asks the parrot if his wife has been cheating on him. Everytime the same answer, 'Raawk, nothing doing, Raawk'. Well, one day he comes home and finds the parrot lying on the bottom of its birdcage. He picks it up and asks what has happened. 'Raawk, big happenings, Raawk, big happenings'. 'Well, what happened?' asks the man. The parrot more...

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards
through the clouds. "Look, Michael, look what I've made." Archangel Michael
looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call
it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?", inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern
Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while southern
Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hotspot.
Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a
continent of black people," God more...

You've seen those ads on TV promising amazing results from all sorts
of contraptions. Well, there's no need to invest in fancy equipment.
If you have (or can borrow) a dog, you have everything you need to
get in shape now!!! The following exercises can be done anywhere,
anytime.
Inner Thighs: Place the dog's favorite toy between thighs. Press
tighter than the dog can pull. Do not attempt bare legged - dogs who
favor shortcuts to success will just dig the toy out. You could be
damaged.
Upper Body Strength: Lift the dog - off the couch, off the bed, out
of the flower bed. Repeat, repeat, repeat. As the dog ages, this
exercise is reversed - onto the couch, onto the bed, into the car and
so on.
Balance and Coordination, Exercise 1: Remove your puppy from
unsuitable tight places. If they're too small for him, they're
certainly too small for you. Do it anyway!
Balance and Coordination, Exercise 2: Practice not falling when more...

The Difference between Most Men and REAL Men Real Men.. put you on the phone when their mothers call. Most Men.. pretend you're not there when their moms call. Real Men.. claim to be feminist but still insist on opening doors, driving, and paying for dinner. Most Men.. claim to be feminists because they let YOU open doors, drive, and pay for dinner. Real Men.. know what they want to be doing five years down the road. Most Men.. are not sure what they want to be doing later tonight. Real Men.. really know how to make you relax. Most Men... really know how to make you laugh. Real Men.. read Crichton, watch Rather, play golf. Most Men.. read King, watch Seinfeld, play poker. Real Men.. make a lot of money before they are 30. Most Men.. make a lot of mistakes before they are 30. Real Men.. wear ties with stripes, shirts with buttons, and shoes with laces. Most Men.. wear high school T-shirts they've actually owned since high school. Real Men.. think perfume (yours) is a turn-on. Most more...