Balloon Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q. What's a virgin and a balloon have in common?
A. All it takes is one prick and its all over.

1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor,' May I borrow a highlighter?' 2. Say,' Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that.' 3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise. 4. Say,' Damn, this water's cold.' 5. Drop a marble and say,' Oh shit! My glass eye!' 6. Say,' Hmmm, I've never seen that color before.' 7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly. 8. Say,' Now how did that get there?' 9. Say,' Humus. Reminds me of humus.' 10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,' Whoa! Easy boy!' 11. Say,' Interesting.. more floaters than sinkers.' 12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say,' Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?' 13. more...

A man takes a balloon ride at a local country fair. A fierce wind suddenly kicks up, causing the balloon to violently leave the fair and carry its occupant out into the countryside. Landing in a farmer's field, the man is left with no clue how far he has flown or where he has landed.

Seeing a man walking down a nearby street, he cries out, "Excuse me, sir, can you tell me where I am?"

Eyeing the man in the balloon the passer-by says:, "You are in a downed balloon in a farmer's field."

"You must be an accountant, sir," replied the balloon's unhappy resident.

"How could you possible know that?" asked the passer-by.

"Because what you have told me is absolutely correct, but of absolutely no use to me now," answered the balloonist.

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts,
"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "yes you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology" says the balloonist. "I do" replies the man. "How did you know."
"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no bloody use to anyone."
The man below says "you must work in business."
"I do" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well", says the man, "you don't know where the hell you are, or where the hell you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realises he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"Thank you very much indeed. You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

"I do," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "you've given me a smart-arsed response to a straightforward question, and although everything you have told me is technically correct, it's of no use to anyone!"

The man below hollers back, "You must be a very senior manager in business."

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how can you tell?"

"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where more...

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below.
He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "yes you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do," replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."
The man below says, "You must work in Management".
"I do" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

If you want to be America's premier "American Flatulator," you've got to have it... gas, that is. And if you're pumped up for the challenge, you'll have to let yourself go in a series of hilarious, explosive events that are sure to clear the air - and maybe the room - about who's really full of it. The events include:
POWER BALLOON
"American Flatulators" and the challengers face off in a rip-roaring, cheek-to-cheek competition designed to separate the big boomers from the little bags of wind. The object behind POWER BALLOON is that each contestant must fill a heavy gauge balloon with his or her own natural gas until the durable plastic sack becomes too pooped and pops. Each contestant uses their own unique technique to fill 'er up. Winner takes all! No ifs, and or butts.
DON'T PASS THE GAS
This contest demands real endurance. Opponents use giant Q-Tip like pugel sticks (as in Pee UUU) to try and knock the farts out of each other. The winner is the more...