"Let the games begin!" joke

If you want to be America's premier "American Flatulator," you've got to have it... gas, that is. And if you're pumped up for the challenge, you'll have to let yourself go in a series of hilarious, explosive events that are sure to clear the air - and maybe the room - about who's really full of it. The events include:
POWER BALLOON
"American Flatulators" and the challengers face off in a rip-roaring, cheek-to-cheek competition designed to separate the big boomers from the little bags of wind. The object behind POWER BALLOON is that each contestant must fill a heavy gauge balloon with his or her own natural gas until the durable plastic sack becomes too pooped and pops. Each contestant uses their own unique technique to fill 'er up. Winner takes all! No ifs, and or butts.
DON'T PASS THE GAS
This contest demands real endurance. Opponents use giant Q-Tip like pugel sticks (as in Pee UUU) to try and knock the farts out of each other. The winner is the one who resists the pounding beyond the breaking point.
FREESTYLE
Anything goes in this zany event. From brassy, classical gas movements to windswept impressions with a celebrity flair, you name it, you get it in the Freestyle competition. And with its big point total, anyone can come from behind in the contest to become air to the throne.
SLIPPERY GAUNTLET
In this fast paced event, "American Flatulators" take aim at contestants with a toilet paper-filled bazooka while the contestants' own natural gas powers them across a slick and slippery obstacle course. First one to break across the finish line wins.

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