Balloons Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.

Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.

A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"

Balloons
Obtain access to their getaway car. Fill with balloons. A few extra helium balloons in the trunk with their luggage is a nice touch.

BalloonsObtain access to their getaway car. Fill with balloons. A few extra helium balloons in the trunk with their luggage is a nice touch.Add some peanutsIf you can get access to their luggage after they have packed, add styrofoam peanuts in whatever nooks and crannies are left.Impossible to drive awayJack up the car, put blocks under the axle, then lower the car onto the blocks. When the newlyweds try to make their getaway, watch them rev...and rev...and rev.

Darwin Award Winner for 1997 Announced
You all know about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor given to
the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing
themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.
The 1995 winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which
toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out
of it.
In 1996 the winner was an air force sergeant who attached a JATO unit
to his car and crashed into a cliff several hundred feet above the
roadbed.
And now, the 1997 winner: Larry Waters of Los Angeles - one of the few
Darwin winners to survive his award-winning accomplishment. Larry's
boyhood dream was to fly. When he graduated from high school, he
joined the Air Force in hopes of becoming a pilot. Unfortunately, poor
eyesight disqualified him. When he was finally discharged, he had to
satisfy himself with watching jets fly over his backyard.
One day, Larry, more...