Balloons Jokes / Recent Jokes

Here's a story, that actually did happen.
On July 2nd 1982, Larry Walters, a truck driver from North Hollywood, California, fulfilled a life-long dream. While visiting some friends in San Pedro, Ca., he attached 45 weather balloons and several gallon jugs of water to a lawn chair, tethered it to the ground, and filled the balloons with helium. Then, equipped with a parachute, a large bottle of soda, a hand-held citizen's band radio, and an air pistol, he had his friends cut the tethers.
Larry's lawn chair, the "Inspiration I", immediately and unexpectedly shot up to an elevation of 16,000 feet, and then began drifting east, eventually over the Long Beach airport, where he was spotted by two airliner pilots, who reported to the tower "a guy in a lawn chair" drifting by.
Larry attempted to land by shooting out some of the balloons with his air pistol, but lost it overboard before he could affect a rapid decent. He then broadcast a mayday on his radio, more...

I want to know how they caught that much...
In 1990, the [United States] Customs Service launched six helium-filled balloons equipped with surveillance equipment to detect drug smuggling along the Mexican border.
The balloons cost $90 million to build and $30 million to operate during the thirty months in which agents seized only 3000 pounds of marijuana and nine weapons.
Even though this works out to $40000 for each pound of marijuana seized, Sen. Dennis DeConcini (D-Arizona) defended the program by pointing out that the low numbers prove the balloons are deterring smuggling activity.

They've finally gone and done it! The parents have arranged one of those "meetings" where the "Any Other Business" is "Would you like pink balloons or red ones at the wedding reception?"

Yes! You're being introduced to a potential marriage partner. But to your horror Prince/Princess Charming(less) has a personality about as interesting as your big toe, wears clothes straight from the Patiala fashion show for Punjabi Farmers, has a face like a Pizza (with extra olives) and worst of all is an Accountant!




So how do you tell them that you're not interested? Well, there are obvious ways to say "Take a hike, Jack (or Jaswinder)!" but that could lead to teary eyes all round! So for your well-being The Funjabis have put together "Ten Ways To Say Get Lost - With A Smile." It may help you to adjourn the meeting more gracefully so you can live to have another one the following weekend!
Wipe your nose more...

Did you hear that they have removed Al Gore`s name from consideration for the University of Alabama Head Coaching job? He can`t win in Tennessee, either!
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly... and for the same reason.
Al Gore`s Biography: "Bad Timing: A Presidential Obsession"
Gore, Nader, and Bush went on a boat trip. During their trip, the boat began to sink. As there were three of them, and only one life vest, they decided to vote on who would get it. They passed a hat around, then counted the ballots. Bush got one vote. Nader got one vote. Gore got seven votes.
"What`s the difference between Al Gore and a puppy? After three weeks, a puppy opens its eyes and stops whining."
"Why hasn`t Bush commented on the rulings? He said he didn`t think the judges were ready because he saw them in their robes this morning."
"What`s the difference between Al Gore`s inauguration and more...

> One evening, little Johnny was with his mother in the bath. He pointed at
> his mother's breasts, and asked what it was. She
> told him that they were balloons, and when someone will try to blow them
> up, they'd go in the air, straight to heaven.
>
> About two days later, Johnny ran into the kitchen and screams, "Mother,
> mother, come and look! Sister is dying!!!"
>
> Why, asked his mother."Because her boyfriend is on top of her, blowing her
> balloons, and she's screaming-Oh God, I'm
> coming."
>
>

Excerpted from the book "Dumb, Dumber, Dumbest," (c) 1996 by John J Kohut and Roland Sweet
In 1990, the [United States] Customs Service launched six helium-filled balloons equipped with surveillance equipment to detect drug smuggling along the Mexican border.
The balloons cost $90 million to build and $30 million to operate during the thirty months in which agents seized only 3000 pounds of marijuana and nine weapons.
Even though this works out to $40000 for each pound of marijuana seized, Sen. Dennis DeConcini (D-Arizona) defended the program by pointing out that the low numbers prove the balloons are deterring smuggling activity.

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
41. One word: Wrestlemania.
42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.
43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
45. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.
46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think. " Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging more...