Balloons Jokes / Recent Jokes

Laughing gas in balloons
At a friend's wedding, the bridal party filled their car with balloons-all filled with laughing gas. They put them everywhere, under seats, in the glove box, etc. They popped the balloons, and everyone was relaxed and laughing. But balloons were popping all during the trip of their honeymoon. They said they enjoyed the trick.

Mary Lou was walking home from her first day of school wih her brand new dress on. Suddenly, some boys stopped her and told her, "We'll give you these balloons if you climb that tree!"

Mary Lou decided she'd try, so she climbed the tree, cme back down, took the balloons, and went home. She old her mommy what had happened, and her mommy said, "Oh dear! All those boys wanted was to see your underwear!"

Mary Lou answered, "Don't worry mommy, I wasn't wearing any."

Here is another installment from The Man himself - this was taken from MATT GROENING'S "BIG BOOK OF HELL" (surprise).
When in doubt, howl your innocence:
"No way!"
"I've been framed!"
"I didn't do nuthin'!"
"Lemme see my lawyer!"
WHAT IS TROUBLE? The experts explain.
Expert #1: Trouble is bad. It messes up yer mind, causes shame, and annoys big grumpy adults. Trouble is one of the leading causes of spankings in the world today.
Expert #2: Trouble is the maladaptive social response of an inquisitive youth to a stultifying educational environment.
Expert #3: Trouble is fun, except when you get caught. My problem is, I always get caught.
BASIC TROUBLE: Whispering, squirming, passing notes, chewing gum, talking, drawing cartoons
ADVANCED TROUBLE: Hiding all the blackboard erasers, stealing back your confiscated yo-yo from the teacher's desk, throwing water balloons, squirting water on the more...

Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his at dad breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says,"Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming "Oh God, I'm coming!"

Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, “Mom, what are those things on your chest? ”
Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten. Johnny didn’t forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, “Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she’ll float to heaven. ”

Johnny thinks that’s neat and asks no more questions. A few weeks later, Johnny’s dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, “Daddy! Daddy! Mommy’s dying! ”

His father says, “Calm down, son! Why do you think Mommy’s dying? ”

“Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommy’s balloons and she’s screaming, ‘Oh God, I’m coming! ’”

BalloonsObtain access to their getaway car. Fill with balloons. A few extra helium balloons in the trunk with their luggage is a nice touch. Add some peanutsIf you can get access to their luggage after they have packed, add styrofoam peanuts in whatever nooks and crannies are left. Impossible to drive awayJack up the car, put blocks under the axle, then lower the car onto the blocks. When the newlyweds try to make their getaway, watch them rev... and rev... and rev.

Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what
>are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells
>Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter
>would be forgotten. Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he
>asked
>his father the same question. His father, always quick with the
>answers,
>says, "Why? Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we
>can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat
>
>and asks no more questions.
>
>A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early.
>
>Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy!
>Mommy's
>dying!!"
>
>His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?"
>
>"Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming more...