Band Jokes / Recent Jokes
The band at Ellsworth Air Force Base, South Dakota, was required to play for all generals who arrived on base. One morning, when the commanding officer heard on the radio that a General Frost was expected just after noon, he sent the band scrambling to the flight line with instruments.One of the musicians had also heard the radio announcement. He took the C.O. aside for a whispered conference. When they returned, the officer told us the performance was canceled.There was no arriving general. We had almost played for the weather forecast.
Your mom's so fat, when she dances the band skips.
Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiancee thinks I'm a virgin, is there anything you can do to help me"? After the doctor stopped laughing, he says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try... on the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh, when your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping." The woman loves this idea, and knows her hubby-to-be will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man. Things begin to progress, her hubby "slips it in", she snaps the elastic band, and the hubby asks, "what the *@#% was that? The wife explains, "oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity more...
A student was in the percussion section of the band, and was not doing well. The band had a performance that night, and the conductor had an annoucement to make.
The conductor said, "When a student is having trouble playing an instrument, we can give him two sticks and make him a percussionist, and let him play the drums, which-"
The conductor was interrupted by a student in the back of the room who said, "And when that's too hard for him, we can take one of his sticks away, and make him a conductor!"
As supposedly reported on CNN:
Undercover police, staging the wedding of "a drug kingpin`s daughter", let it be known on the street that dealers were "invited" (i. e. Expected to attend).
The bride and groom were police, as was the band, bartender, and about half the guests. The band playing at the wedding was "S. P. O. C." (COPS, backwards), and the wedding went through the full ceremony, including the dancing afterward.
The long-sought dealers were arrested after the "band" took their break. The last song the band played before taking its break? "I Fought The Law, And The Law Won"
I can' think of anyone actually making this up... Before starting a band, you should know that the following names are taken:
[ a ]
Alcoholocaust
Alcoholics Unanimous
Armageddon Dildos
[ b ]
Biff Hitler and the Violent Mood Swings
The Band Formerly Known As Sausage
Band Over
Barbara's Bush
The Bourbon Tabernacle Choir
The Boxing Ghandis
Brady Bunch Lawnmower Massacre
Bulimia Banquet
Buster Hymen & the Penetrators
[ c ]
Caltransvestites
Cindy Brady's Lisp
[ d ]
The Dancing French Liberals of 1848
The Dead Sea Squirrels
Dicky Retardo
Drunks With Guns
[ e ]
e. coli
Electric Prostates
Elvis Hitler
[ f ]
Fearless Iranians From Hell
Fields of Shit
'57 Lesbian
The 4-Skins
Four Nurses of the Apocalypse
The French are from Hell
Fromage d'Amour
[ g ]
Gefilte Joe and the more...