Bang Jokes / Recent Jokes

What goes peck, bang, peck, bang, peck, bang? A bunch of chickens in a field full of balloons!

A drunk walks into a bar one night and reads a sign on the wall that says "Ask me about our contest".

"What's this about your contest?" the drunk queried.

"Oh yeah," the bartender said, "we have this contest going. If you can hit the bull's eye three times in a row, you win a prize."

"I think I might try your contest," the drunk replied. "Give me a drink."

So the bartender fixes him a drink, the man glugs it down, and throws the dart. BANG! It hits the bull's eye.

"Fix me two drinks!" the drunk says. The bartender complies. The man throws a second dart and BAM! it hits the bull's eye.

"Wow! Nobody's ever done two before!" the bartender cried in awe.

"Yeah, well fix me three drinks!" the man says, and the bartender does. BAM! a third dart hits the bull's eye. By this point, the man is sloppy drunk. "What do I more...

Here in the Kentucky hills, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Ol' Zeek decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He
takes off running and reaches the edge and into the wind he goes!
Meanwhile, Maw & Paw Abner were sitting on the porch swing, talking bout the good old days when Maw spots the biggest bird she has ever seen!
"Look at the size of that bird, Paw!" she exclaims.
Paw raises up; "Get my gun, Maw."
Maw runs into the house, brings out his pump action shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG..BANG..BANG...BANG! The monster-size bird continues to sail silently over the treetops.
"I think ya missed him, Paw," she says.
"Yeah," he replies, "but at least he let go of old Zeek!"

An American, French, and Polock decide to all go elk hunting together. They all decide it’s better to go out separately. So the first day the American goes out and comes back with a moderately big elk.
The other two want to know how he scored it, so the American says, “I see the tracks, I follow the tracks, Bang I shoot and elk. ”
So the next day the French man goes out and comes back with an even bigger elk than the American. Impressed the other two ask him how he got it.
So the French guy, in a thick accent, says, “I see the tracks, I follow the tracks, Bang I shoot and elk. ”
So the next day the Polock goes out and not long after he comes back bleeding and scratched up.
So the other two ask, “What the hell happened to you!?! ”
The Polock replies, “I see the tracks, I follow the tracks, Bang I get hit by a train. ”

What do a prostitute and Dick Cheney both have in common?
They both like to "Bang Bang Bang!"

Heard yesterday from a very funny friend:
What goes "clip-clop clip-clop clip-clop clip-clop clip-clop
bang bang bang bang bang bang bang
clip-clop clip-clop clip-clop clip-clop clip-clop"?
An Amish drive-by shooting.

A guy driving a truck in the middle of nowhere picks up a hitch-hiker. It gets dark and the hitch-hiker falls asleep. Suddenly bang, and the hitch-hiker wakes up,"what the hell was that?". The truck driver replies, "some kinda animal, go back to sleep." Further the same thing again, bang, "What the hell was that?", "some kinda animal again." Further into the night, bang, bang, bang, "What the hell was that?", "Some bastard!". "How terrible",says the hitch-hiker, "but there were 3 bangs" The truck driver replies, "Yeah, well I had to go through two fences to get the bastard.. . "