Barry Jokes / Recent Jokes

Rumors around Hollywood are speculating on a movie version of Game of Shadows. Due to Barry Bonds’ change in size over the years, multiple actors will have to play the slugger. Michael Clarke Duncan will appear as the current Bonds, while a younger Barry Bonds will be played by Dave Chappelle. Bonds five years from now will be played by one of the statues from Easter Island.

Stan, Barry and Chris were working on a high-rise building project, when Stan fell off and was killed instantly.
As the ambulance was taking the body away, Chris said, "I guess someone should go and tell his wife."
"I'm pretty good with that sensitive stuff, so I'll do it," replied Barry.
A couple of hours later, Barry returned carrying a six-pack. "Where did you get that?" asked Chris.
"Stan's wife gave it to me," replied Barry.
"What? That's incredible!" exclaimed Chris. "You go and tell the lady that her husband is dead and she gives you a six-pack?"
"Well, not exactly," Barry said. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Stan's widow.' She replied, 'I'm not a widow.'
So I said, 'Care to bet me a six-pack?'"

What REALLY happened as the Torch made its way through our our
nation's capital:
3:15 Torch arrives at U.S. Capitol
3:30 Torch leaves U.S. Capitol, carried by Bob Dole.
5:00 One block later, Bob Dole hands off torch.
5:15 Torch enters Northeast Washington
5:16 First recorded case of "Torch-jacking" occurs.
6:00 After massive search, Torch is found in a local pawn shop and
repurchased for $25
6:15 Torch arrives at city hall. Crowd is dismayed when Marion
Barry uses it to light his crack pipe.
6:20 Barry is further embarrassed when he is stopped trying to take
the torch to the country for "spiritual renewal".
6:30 Torch heads into Northwest Washington
6:35 Torch runner falls into D.C. pothole.
6:45 Torch is recovered (runner is never found).
6:55 Torch arrives at Dupont Circle. Residents are proud to have
such a high profile "flame" in their area.
7:00 Torch runner attempts to hand off more...

Quotes from D. C. Mayor Marion Barry
" The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" Bitch set me up."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is more...

New documents prove that Barry Bonds tested positive for steroids four times between 2000 and 2003. This is the only time news concerning Barry Bonds will ever be positive.

Aaron Thetires (Air in the Tires)
Abe Rudder (Hey Brother)
Abbie Birthday (Happy Birthday)
Abel N. Willan (Able and Willing)
Achilles Punks (I'll Kill These Punks)
Adam Bomb (Atom Bomb)
Adam Meway (Out of My Way)
Adam Sapple (Adam's Apple)
Adolf Oliver Nippils (Ate Off All Of Her Nipples)
Al B. Zienya (I'll Be Seeing You)
Al DePantzeu (I'll De-Pants You)
Al Gore-Rythim (Algorithym)
Al Kaholic (Alcoholic)
Al Kaseltzer (Alkaseltzer)
Al Kickurass (I'll Kick Your Ass)
Al Killeu (I'll Kill You)
Al Luminum (Aluminum)
Al Nino (El Nino)
Al O'Moaney (Alimony)
Alpha Kenny Wun (I'll Fuck Anyone)
Alec Tricity (Electricity)
Alex Blaine Layder (I'll Explain Later)
Alf Abet (Alphabet)
Ali Gator (Ali Gator)
Allota Fagina (A lot of vagina)
Amanda B. Recandwithe (A Man to Be Reckoned With)
Amanda Lay (A Man To Lay)
Amanda Hugnkiss (A Man to Hug and Kiss)
Andy more...