Bass Jokes / Recent Jokes

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Bass!
Bass who?
Bass the salt and pepper please! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Bass!
Bass who?
Bass-ball, hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet!

Scientists gathered three musicians together and asked them to name the greatest invention of the 20th century. The guitarist said the "wah-wah pedal" was the greatest invention.
After that, they asked the drummer and he said the "bass pedal" was the greatest invention.
Then finally, when asking the bass player, he said the "Stanley thermos" was the greatest invention.
Confused, they asked him how he figured that, and he said:
"Hot or cold how does it know, HOW DOES IT KNOW!?!?!?!"

The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage of about 20 minutes during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one.
After slamming several beers in quick succession (as bass violinists are prone to do), one of them looked at his watch. "Hey! We need to get back!"
"No need to panic," said a fellow bassist.
"I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string.
It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled."
A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion.
"Well, of course," said her companion. "Don't more...

There once was a fly and he was sitting on a leaf above a pond. There was a bass swimming in that pond. The bass said if that fly drops six inchs I can eat that fly. Then a bear comes along and eats the bass. Then the hunter comes and kills the bear. The hunter drops a piece of cheese. A mouse eats the cheese and then a cat comes along and chases the mouse towards the pond. The mouse jumps out of the way and cat falls into the pond.
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The Moral of the story, If the fly drops six inchs the pussy is bound to get wet.

Have you ever wondered why the English language is so hard to master? We polish the Polish furniture. He could lead if he would get the lead out. A farm can produce produce. The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse. The soldier decided to desert in the desert. The present is a good time to present the present. At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum. The dove dove into the bushes. I did not object to the object. The insurance for the invalid was invalid. The bandage was wound around the wound. They were too close to the door to close it. The buck does funny things when the does are present. They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. The wind was too strong to wind the sail. After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number. I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? I more...

Moses, Jesus and some' ol geezer were going to play a round of golf. Moses teed off, the ball went right into the pond. "No problem!" he said. Moses walked over, parted the water, and hit the ball again. This time it landed about one foot from the hole.
Jesus then teed off and the ball went flying off to the left, hit a tree, then miraculously bounced within about six inches of the hole.
The' ol geezer stepped up and teed off. As the ball headed right for the pond, a huge bass jumped up and grabbed the ball in its mouth. Suddenly an eagle swooped down, grabbed the bass and flew over the green. The bass dropped the ball and it rolled within two inches of the hole! All of the sudden, a worm popped up and knocked the ball in. A hole in one.
Moses looked at Jesus and said, "You know, I really hate it when your dad plays."

Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist?
The timpanist turned a peg and wouldn't tell him which one.