Beat Jokes / Recent Jokes

Which of the following doesn't belong?(a) meat(b) eggs(c) wife(d) blow job(D) A blowjob because its possible to beat your meat, your eggs or your wife, but you can't beat a blowjob

A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this...
' Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'
She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day. The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."
So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"
Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"

A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, "Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?" "That it is, "Irish Mike replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball." "You mean you pinched his honor?" asked Pat. "How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?" demanded Mike. "Well," mused Pat, "there's a lesson in this somewhere." "That there is," replied Irish Mike...."' Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover."

Santa Singh was a not too smart kind of guy. Everyday
when he walked home from work, he would get stopped by
three nasty men and they would beat him up and steal
his money. Finally, Santa decided that it would serve
his best interest to walk a different route and then
take up some self-defense classes so,
this wouldn`t happen again.
He joined a karate class and soon was doing very well
to defend himself. So, one day, on the way home from
work Santa took his old route home and sure enough
there they were.
He walked up to them and the battle ensued.
The next afternoon Santa went to his karate class
with a black eye,
a broken nose and a busted lip. His instructor,
shocked, asked him what happened?
`Well,` explained Santa, `I took my old way home
last night so I could beat these guys up who were
stealing my money, but they beat me up before I
could get my shoes and socks off!`

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A Blowjob - Your Wife - An Egg - Your Meat
Which one doesn't fit?
A Blowjob: You can beat your wife. You can beat an egg. You can beat your meat, but you can't beat a blowjob!

Other Things Mama Told Me
Not to cuss.
Not to cohabitate.
Not to use that language.
Not to go in the first place.
Not to invest in Telecom stocks.
Not to date sluts.
Not to eat with my hands.
Not to drink from the filthy bucket.
Not to train octopi.
Not to beat myself with slotted spoons.
Not to mix plaids and stripes.
Not to wiggle.
Not to beat eggs for an omelet during Uncle Freddie's funeral.
Not to save and collect my empty enemas.
Not to smell my feet.