Behavior Jokes / Recent Jokes

In prison, you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
At work, you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
In prison, you get three meals a day.
At work, you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
In prison, you get time off for good behavior.
At work, you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
In prison, a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
At work, you must carry a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
In prison, you can watch TV and play games.
At work, you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison, you get your own toilet.
At work, you have to share.
In prison, they allow your family and friends to visit.
At work, you aren't suppose to speak to your family and friends.
In prison, all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
At work, you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from more...

In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. At work you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
In prison you get 3 meals a day. At work you get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.
In prison you get time off for good behavior. At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work. In prison you can watch TV and play games. At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison a guard locks, unlocks, opens and closes all doors for you. At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all doors yourself.
In prison you get your own toilet. At work you have to share.
In prison they allow you to visit your family and friends. At work you can't even speak to family and friends.
In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required. At work, you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.
In prison you spend more...

Q: My fiance still has feelings for his old girlfriends. I'm afraid he will not be faithful.
A: A man's capacity to love is boundless. It has been proven to increase with the number of sexual partners. Thus, by having a few other women, your partner is really increasing his love for you. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior - And it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and to get back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.
Q: My husband wants to more...

The Preying Mantis Syndrome
Many lower life forms demonstrate qualities that, at first, don't seem
very good for survival. For instance, the female praying mantis, after mating
with, well, her mate, will devour him. For the male praying mantis, however,
it is a catch-22. If he mates, he gets screwed out of an opportunity to mate
again. If he doesn't mate, he doesn't reproduce and that is the end of his
family tree (not that all insects live in trees, mind you). This suicidal
behavior is commonly called the Preying Mantis Syndrome - and many life forms
are periodically subject to it's wrath. How did the preying mantis become
stuck in such a vicious cycle? This is probably what happened beforehand:
The male mantis arrives at the residence of the female mantis. After some
courtship exercises (dinner, a movie, inserting the diaphragm) they mate. The
female mantis, her lust for...lust being satisfied relaxes while the Male raids
the more...

Prison life versus a full-time jobIn prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell.At work you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle.In prison you get three meals a day.At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one.In prison you get time off for good behavior.At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.In prison you can watch TV and play games.At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere.At work you are just ball-and-chained.In prison you get your own toilet.At work you have to share.In prison they allow your family and friends to visit.At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends.In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required.At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to more...

In prison: You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
At work: You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
In prison: You get three meals a day.
At work: You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.
In prison: You get time off for good behavior.
At work: You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
In prison: A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
At work: You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
In prison: You can watch TV and play games.
At work: You get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison: You get your own toilet.
At work: You have to share.
In prison: They allow your family and friends to visit.
At work: You cannot even speak to your family and friends.
In prison: All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
At work: You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from you more...

IN PRISON... You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. AT WORK..... You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle. IN PRISON... You get three meals a day. AT WORK..... You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it. IN PRISON... You get time off for good behavior. AT WORK..... You get rewarded for good behavior with more work. IN PRISON... A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. AT WORK..... You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself. IN PRISON... You can watch TV and play games. AT WORK..... You get fired for watching TV and playing games. IN PRISON... You get your own toilet. AT WORK..... You have to share. IN PRISON... They allow your family and friends to visit. AT WORK..... You cannot even speak to your family and friends. IN PRISON... All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required. AT WORK..... You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for more...