Behavior Jokes / Recent Jokes

In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell. At work you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle. In prison you get three meals a day. At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one. In prison you get time off for good behavior. At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work. At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself. In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. In prison you can watch TV and play games. At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games. In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere. At work you are just ball-and-chained. In prison you get your own room. At work you have to share. In prison they allow your family and friends to visit. At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends. In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required. At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they more...

In prison: You spend the majority of your time in an
8x10 cell.
At work: You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

In prison: You get three meals a day.
At work: You get a break for 1 meal and you have to
pay for it.

In prison: You get time off for good behavior.
At work: You get rewarded for good behavior with
more work.

In prison: A guard locks and unlocks all the doors
for you.
At work: You must carry around a security card and
unlock and open all the doors yourself.

In prison: You can watch TV and play games.
At work: You get fired for watching TV and playing
games.

In prison: You get your own toilet.
At work: You have to share.

In prison: They allow your family and friends to visit.
At work: You cannot even speak to your family
and friends.

In prison: All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no
work required.
At work: You more...

If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix' bim' could be used to create new words that describe them: Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males Bimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait Bimbag - a blonde's purse Bimbrushes - essential equipment in a bimbag Bimbastic surgeon - specialist in breast enhancements for blondes Bimbeeper - special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes Bimbellow - sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard Bimbillion? - a blonde giving an estimate of anything Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her Bimboette - a young blonde Bimbonese - language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to anyone else more...

A priest at a parochial school, wanting to point out the proper behavior for church, was trying to elicit from the youngsters rules that their parents might give before taking them to a nice restaurant.
"Don't play with your food," one second-grader cited.
"Don't be loud," said another, and so on.
"And what rule do your parents give you before you go out to eat?" the priest inquired of one little boy.
Without batting an eye, the child replied, "Order something cheap."

In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8'x10 cell. At work you spend most of your time in a 6'x8'cubicle.
In prison you get three meals a day. At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
In prison you get time off for good behavior. At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
In prison you can watch TV and play games. At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison they allow your family and friends to visit. At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends.
In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required. At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
In prison you spend most of your life look

A man wanted to determine if both his wife and mistress were faithful to him. So he decided to send them on the same cruise, then later question each one on the other's behavior.
When his wife returned, he asked her about the people on the trip in general, then casually asked her about the specific behavior of the passenger he knew to be his mistress. "She slept with nearly every man on the ship," his wife reported.
The disheartened man then rendezvoused with his cheating mistress to ask her the same questions about his wife.
"She was a real lady," his mistress said.
"How so?" the encouraged man asked.
"She came on board with her husband and never left his side."

After being interviewed by the school administration, the eager teaching prospect said:
"Let me see if I've got this right. You want me to go into that room with all those kids and fill their every waking moment with a love for learning. And I'm supposed to instill a sense of pride in their ethnicity, modify their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse and even censor their T shirt messages and dress habits.
You want me to wage a war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for weapons of mass destruction, and raise their self esteem. You want me to teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship, and fair play, how and where to register to vote, how to balance a checkbook, and how to apply for a job. I am to check their heads for lice, maintain a safe environment, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, offer advice, write letters of recommendation for student employment and scholarships, encourage respect for the cultural more...