Bell Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man who worked for the fire department came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the firehouse.
Bell #1 rings, and we all put our jackets on. Bell #2 rings, and we all slide down the pole. Bell #3 rings, and we are on the truck and ready to go!"
"So," he continues, "From now on, we're going to run this house the same way. When I say Bell #1, I want you to strip naked. When I say Bell #2, I want you to jump into bed and when I say Bell #3, we're going to make love all night!" The wife is agreeable with this arrangement.
The next night, he came home from work and yelled,
"Bell #1!" The wife took off all her clothes.
"Bell #2!"..... The wife jumped into bed.
"Bell #3!"..... They began passionate loving...
After two minutes, the wife yelled, "Bell #4!".....
The husband asked "What the hell is Bell #4?"
"MORE more...

A Sort Of Christmas Carol
(To the tune of Silver Bells)
Jingle bell, it's not so swell when you can't afford a gift.
Shopping malls are hollow halls, I'm shopping at the Thrift.
See the pawnshops, hear the teeth crunch, in nightmarish anxiety.
In the air there's a feeling of hopelessness.
Checks were cashing, then were dashing, off to spend, it's so obscene.
Hoping for more overtime.
Jingle Bell, what is that smell, oh, it's Hillary's toe.
Ringaling, is a circus thing, and were all part of the show.
People bitching, salesman pitching, there's no reason to smile.
For this I parked and had to walk a mile.
Dodge shopping carts at Wal-Marts, filled with Japanese trash.
In the Express Line price-checks and no cash.
Jingle Bell, can go to hell, Do not give to the poor.
For if you do, soon you'll need it too, and there won't be anymore.

Quasimodo Levy - 2
Unfortunately, this still left the church without a bell ringer. So the Abbott re-advertised the job. Another armless man showed up to apply for the position, claiming he was the dead man`s brother and, having learned all he knew about bell ringing from his brother, declared that it was only right that he take over the bell ringer`s position and succeed where his brother could not (due to his untimely death, naturally). The Abbott gave the brother the same chance to prove his ability. The brother charged at the bell smacking it with his face and eliciting a lovely mellow tone which was heard all throughout the valley. The townspeople came running into the square calling out "who rang that bell? Such tone, such vibrato - hire him, hire him!!”
Noting that it was nearing 3pm and time to ring the bell for real, Quasimodo Levy instructed the man to do the same. The man backed up to start his run and misjudged how close he was to the edge of the bell more...

A man who worked for the fire department came home from work and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire department: Bell 1 rings, we all put on our coats; Bell 2 rings, we all slide down the pole; Bell 3 rings, we are on the truck ready to go. From now on we're going to run this house the same way. When I say Bell 1, you strip naked; Bell 2, you jump into bed; Bell 3, we are going to make love all night long!"

The next night he came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1." She took off all her clothes.

"Bell 2." She jumped into bed.

"Bell 3." They began to make love!

After about 2 minutes she yelled, "BELL 4!!"

He said, "What the hell is Bell 4?"

"MORE HOSE!! MORE HOSE!!" she said. "You are nowhere near the fire!!"

Paolo Esperanza, bass-trombonist with the Simphonica Mayor de Uruguay, in a misplaced moment of inspiration decided to make his own contribution to the cannon shots fired as part of the orchestra`s performance of Tchaikovsky`s 1812 Overture at an outdoor children`s concert. In complete seriousness he placed a large, ignited firecracker, which was equivalent in strength to a quarter stick of dynamite, into his aluminum straight mute and then stuck the mute into the bell of his quite new Yamaha in-line double-valve bass trombone.

Later, from his hospital bed he explained to a reporter through bandages on his mouth, "I thought that the bell of my trombone would shield me from the explosion and, instead, would focus the energy of the blast outward and away from me, propelling the mute high above the orchestra, like a rocket." However, Paolo was not up on his propulsion physics nor qualified to use high-powered artillery and in his haste to get the horn up before the more...

Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, “Press bell for night watchman. ” She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door. “Well, ” he snarled at the blonde, “what do you want? ” “I just wanted to know why you can’t ring it for yourself. ”

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent
word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The
bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went
up into the belfry to begin the screening process.
After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided
to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced
that he was there to apply for the bellringers job.
The bishop was incredulous."You have no arms!" "No matter," said the
man, "observe!" He then began striking the bells with his face,
producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in
astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement
for Quasimodo.
Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and
plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street
below. The stunned more...