Belong Jokes

Angie and John were in court after deciding their divorce when the problem of 'who gets to keep the kid' started to arise. Angie exclaimed that the child was hers since she could take care of the kid better than her 'wretched' husband.
But the judge wanted to hear John's reason of why he should keep the baby. After thinking for sometime, John said, "Your honor, let me ask you a question: if you put a dollar inside a vending machine and a coke comes out, does this coke belong to you or does it belong to the vending machine?"

TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.
INDIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You worship them.
PAKISTAN ECONOMICS
You don't have any cows.
You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
You ask the US for financial aid, China for military aid, Britain for warplanes, Italy for machines, Germany for technology, France for submarines, Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs and Japan for equipment.
You buy the cows with all this and claim of exploitation by the world.
AMERICAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
You put the blame on some nation with cows & naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind.
You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.
FRENCH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You go on more...

One day john, peter, and jason went to the class room to take their money on their desk.
the first person, john went in and suddenly a noise said this money is mine and it belong to the table.
the second person, peter went in and suddenly a noise said this money is mine and it belong to the table.
the third person, jason went in and suddenly a noise said this money is mine and it belong to the table.then jason said this its mine and it belong to my pocket.

Which of the following doesn't belong? A. meat(b) eggs(c) wife(d) blow job(D) A blowjob because its possible to beat your meat, your eggs or your wife, but you can't beat a blowjob

I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. -- Dick MartinI do not see the EEC as a great love affair. It is more like nine desperate middle-ages couples with failing marriages meeting at a Brussels hotel for a group grope. -- TynanI think of my wife and I think of Lot, and I think of the lucky break he got. I tried a mail order bride, once, but she was damaged in the mail, and I had to return the unused part for my full refund. I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about' short' and' cheap'? -- Phyllis DillerI've been trying desperately to save my marriage for the last 35 years. If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister? If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry. -- ChekhovIf you never want to see a man again, say, "I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children..." - they leave skid marks. -- Rita Rudner