Sexy Jokes

A woman's breasts are like a child's toys. They are meant for the child - but the husband is the one that usually ends up playing with them.

I've been fucking this really sexy bird who is a twin.
My mate asked me how I told her apart from the other twin?
I said it was easy. Her brother has a beard.

an old man went to a beach and say a sexy girl in a bikini. he went up to her and asked her"can i feel your sexy, juicy boobs?"
The girl said, "no way, get away from me old man."
the guy said," twenty dollars?"
"no"
"one hundred dollars?"
"no"
"two hunderd dollars?"
"no"
"five hundred dollars?"
the girl thought, what harm can it do? "sure"
the girl loosened her bikini and the man slipped his hand in her bikini.
while feeling her sexy, juicy boobs, the guy said, "OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD"
the girl said,"why do you keep saying OH MY GOD?
while continuing feeling her sexy, juicy boobs, he said "OH MY GOD, where am i going to get five hundred dollars?"

My wife has just found out I've been fucking a Hermaphrodite.
She screamed at me, "What's she got that I haven't got?"
"Well....."

I was ice-skating today just minding my own business when I noticed some big fat bird kept giving me the eye.
Eventually she came over. "Hi there, I'm a bit shy I'm not very good at breaking the ice," she laughed.
"Have you tried jumping?" I asked.