Belt Jokes / Recent Jokes
In days of old, when knights were bold, this particular knight was leaving for a crusade and called of his squires: "I'm leaving for the crusade. Here is the key to my wife's chastity belt. If, in 10 years, I haven't returned, you may use the key."
The knight sets out on the dusty road, armored from head to toe, and takes one last look at his castle. He sees the squire rushing across the drawbridge, yelling, "Stop! Thank goodness I was able to catch you. This is the WRONG KEY."
What do you get when you are attacked by a Black Belt and a Blue Belt?Beaten Black and Blue.
- "Hey, Princess, you wouldn't happen to know where a lonely knight could scabbard his sword, would you?"
- "Been there, slain that."
- "What's a nice maiden like you doing in a dungeon like this?"
- "They don't call me Lance-A-Lot for nothing, you know."
- "When the Inquisition put me on the rack, my limbs weren't the only thing they stretched."
- "Dost thou know? That chastity belt of yours would look great on my sleeping chamber floor."
- Wench: "What's that sound?" Knight: "That's just the sound of my chain mail drawers expanding."
- "Thou hast hit on me harder than the black plague!"
- "Your hovel or mine?"
- "Pardon me, madam, but wouldst thou like to see my long sword in action?"
- "Dost thou practice safe hex?"
- "Milady, it's not the size of the wand that matters, but the magic within."
- "I have more...
"Hey, Princess, you wouldn't happen to know where a lonely knight could scabbard his sword, would you?"
"Been there, slain that."
"What's a nice maiden like you doing in a dungeon like this?"
"They don't call me Lance-A-Lot for nothing, you know."
"When the Inquisition put me on the rack, my limbs weren't the only thing they stretched."
"Dost thou know? That chastity belt of yours would look great on my sleeping chambers floor."
Wench: "What's that sound?" Knight: "That's just the sound of my chain mail drawers expanding."
"Thou hast hit on me harder than the black plague!"
"Your hovel or mine?"
"Pardon me, madam, but wouldeth thou like to see my long sword in action?"
"Dost thou practice safe hex?"
"Milady, it's not the size of the wand that matters, but the magic within."
"I have the key to your more...
A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer. The following exchange takes place....
The man says "What's the problem officer?"
Officer: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going 80.
[Man gives his wife a dirty look.]
Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.
[Man gives his wife a dirty look.]
Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your
seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt.
Man turns to his wife and yells: "Shut your damn mouth!"
Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you like this all the time?
Wife says: "No, only when he's more...
A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer. The following exchange takes place....The man says "What's the problem officer?"Officer: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.Man: No sir, I was going 65.Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going 80.[Man gives his wife a dirty look.]Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.[Man gives his wife a dirty look.]Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing yourseat belt.Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt.Man turns to his wife and yells: "Shut your damn mouth!"Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you like this all the time? Wife says: "No, only when he's drunk!"