Belt Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man is speeding down the freeway when he's stopped by a police car and has to pull over.
"Do you realize you were doing 90 m.p.h. in a 60 m.p.h. zone, sir?" asks the policeman.
"That's impossible, sir, I never break the speed limit," replies the driver.
The driver's wife butts in and says, "Yes, you do, I'm always telling you to keep your speed down."
The policeman says, "I also noticed, sir, that you didn't have your seat belt on. You put it on as I was walking up to your car."
That is not true, sir; I always wear my seat belt," replies the driver.
"No, you don't, I'm always telling you to put your seat belt on," says the driver's wife.
"Dammit, woman!" the driver explodes, "Can't you, just for once, keep that big, fat trap of yours shut?!"
The policeman is a bit shocked by how the driver is speaking to his wife, so he moves around to her side of the car. "Does he often more...
A man was driving a car when a policeman stopped him and said, "You are being given a prize of Rs. 5000 for wearing a seat belt while driving. What will you do with this money?" "First, I will get my driving license made", the man replied. The woman sitting beside him said, “Please don’t listen to him. He is drunk! ” On hearing this, another man sleeping in the back seat woke up and said, "Wow! I never thought we would be able to cover this much distance in this stolen car!!" Then, a voice from the boot spoke "Psst… Have we crossed the border?"
Found written on the wall in front of a photocopier of a company going through hardships: " DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE - XEROX YOUR PAYCHECKS "
At a car dealership in Maryland to announce new seat belt legislation: "Belt your family. It's the law."
Seen while traveling in the Yucatan Peninsula: "Broken English spoken perfectly"
At an Applebee's restaraunt: "NOTICE: AFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY! A new 6% tax will be charged for the cost of collecting taxes!"
Fitness Center sign: "Self Esteem is feeling good about yourself - regardless of the facts."
In restaurant: "Open seven days a week and weekends."
On the freeway in Boston during a MAJOR transformation of the streets and bridges, etc: "Rome wasn't built in a day. If it was we would have hired their contractor."
A sign in front of an advertising agency in south superhighway, Philippines: "A BUSINESS WITH NO SIGN IS A SIGN OF NO more...
1. "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position."
2. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways out of this airplane..."
3. "We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane."
4. "Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it's warm, the sun is shining, and the birds are singing. We are going to Charlotte, where it's dark, windy and raining. Why in the world y'all wanna go there I really don't know."
5. Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
6. Pilot - "Folks, if more...
A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer. The following exchange takes place.... The man says "What's the problem officer?" Officer: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going 80.[Man gives his wife a dirty look.]Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.[Man gives his wife a dirty look.]Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing yourseat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt. Man turns to his wife and yells: "Shut your damn mouth!"Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you like this all the time? Wife says: "No, only when he's drunk!"