Bench Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two women at an art exhibition were staring at a painting entitled, 'Home For Lunch'. The painting was of three totally naked, very black men, sitting on a park bench. What was unusual about the painting was that the men on both ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink penis.
The women just stood there in front of it, staring and scratching their heads, trying to figure it out. Just then, the artist walked by and noticed their confusion. "Can I help you with this painting?" he asked.
"Well, yes," one woman said. "We're very curious about the picture of the black men on the bench. Why does the man in the middle have a pink penis?"
"Oh, I'm afraid you've misunderstood the painting," the artist explained. "The three men are not African-Americans, they're coal miners, and the man in the middle went 'Home For Lunch'."
An old woman in a Nursing Home looks up one day to find an elderly man looking down on her. She smiled and asked him what he wanted.
"To get straight to the point, I know we are old and can no longer pleasure in sexual activity, but I was wondering if you would help me."
"Of course," she smiled.
"I was wondering if we could take a wander down to the park and if your could hold my penis for a while."
The old woman saw no harm in it, so she agreed. Since then they made it a regular occurence, and every day the 2 elderly people sat on the park bench and she held his penis.
One day, the woman went to the bench, but the man was not there. Feeling hurt, she looked around for him. To her amazement, she saw him and another woman-SHE was holding his penis!
"What does SHE have that I don't?" She screeched.
He looked up at her and smiled.
"Parkinsons," he replied.
An old woman in a Nursing Home looks up one day to find an elderly man looking down on her. She smiled and asked him what he wanted."To get straight to the point, I know we are old and can no longer pleasure in sexual activity, but I was wondering if you would help me.""Of course," she smiled."I was wondering if we could take a wander down to the park and if your could hold my penis for a while."The old woman saw no harm in it, so she agreed. Since then they made it a regular occurence, and every day the 2 elderly people sat on the park bench and she held his penis.One day, the woman went to the bench, but the man was not there. Feeling hurt, she looked around for him. To her amazement, she saw him and another woman-SHE was holding his penis!"What does SHE have that I don't?" She screeched.He looked up at her and smiled."Parkinsons," he replied.
A male gorilla at the zoo had been separated from his mate for several months and was really horny.
One night after the zoo had closed and all the animal keepers had left, he decided he was going to tear the bars apart and screw the first thing he could find.
As he left his cage and ran through the zoo he came upon a lion sleeping in the grass. He really wasn't thrilled with his find but since he had promised himself he would take the first thing he could get, he grabbed the lion and screwed it.
Just as the gorilla finished, the lion awoke and was really pissed. The lion started chasing the gorilla through the zoo and was beginning to gain on him. The gorilla turned a corner and saw a park bench with a newspaper on it. Thinking quickly, the gorilla sat down on the bench and held the newspaper in front of him like he was reading it.
When the lion turned the corner he stopped at the park bench. Not knowing what was behind the newspaper he asked the reader if he had seen more...
Two old men were sat on a bench outside a nursing home having a chat. "How areyou, Richard?" asked George. "Im not feeling too good today, Im utterlyexhausted," replied Richard. "Ive pulled a muscle, and its killing me." "Imsurprised that a pulled muscle makes you feel so tired," said George. Richardyawned and said, "Well, it does if you pull it a hundred times in one night."
You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular lunch bag.Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant, travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins.You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or street. All five of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9", it is presumed his Mother had an affair.There are more than 28 people in your bridal party.You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.And you REALLY, REALLY know you're Italian when:Your grandfather had a fig tree.You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.Your mom's meatballs are the best.You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.Plastic more...
A drunk walked into a tavern, sat down at the bar. He placed a small cardboard box on the bar, and ordered a beer. When the beer came, he opened the box, pulled out a tiny piano and bench and set them on the bar, then ordered another beer. When the beer came, he reached into the box, pulled out a frog, sat him on the piano bench and said, "PLAY". The frog immediately began to play the piano. It played all the favorites, and some classical and then launched into contemporary jazz. The man ordered another beer, and when it came he reached into the cardboard box and pulled out a little white mouse. He set this mouse on top of the piano and said "SING". The frog began to play the piano and the mouse began to sing, first some' oldies but goodies', then all of the current favorites. A man at the bar who was watching all of this approached the drunk man and offered to buy this little outfit that he had. After a bit of negotiating, the drunk man agreed to sell it to the more...