Bench Jokes / Recent Jokes

Abe is a new arrival at a retirement community, and is passing the morning sunning himself on a bench near the garden. Becky is out for her morning constitutional, spies Abe, and says "Do you mind?"

"Not at all" Abe says, so Becky sits down on the opposite end of his bench.

"So, you're new here" says Becky.

"Yes" Abe nods.

"So, where are you from?" asks Becky.

"Washington" Abe answers.

"The state or the capitol?" asks Becky.

"The state" replies Abe.

"So how old are you? asks Becky.

"I'll be 52 in October.". Abe replies

"What did you do in Washington?" asks Becky.

"I was in prison" Abe says.

"Really!" says Becky, "what did you do?"

"My wife was always asking stupid questions, so I chopped her up and put her more...

One day during class the teacher went around the class asking
her 5 year old kids questions. Finally, the teacher came up to
Little Johnny and said "if there are three birds on a park bench
and if I was to shoot one, how many birds would be left?".
Little Johnny thought about it for some time and said "none!". The
teacher asked him how he worked it out. Little Johnny said, "Well
if you shoot one the other birds will fly away!". The teacher said
that was not correct but she liked the way he thought!
When the teacher was about to leave, Little Johnny put up his hand
and said he had a question for her. "Fire away", said the teacher.
"Miss, if there are three women on a park bench all eating
ice-cream, one chewing it, one biting it and the other sucking it,
which of those women are married!".
The teacher uncomfortable with the question replied,"I'll have to
go with more...

Old Man On A Bench An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying.

"Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we have then have fun together laughing and relaxing. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make fun together laughing and relaxing again. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we relax more and enjoy ourselves."

The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!"

So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!"

Staring down from the bench to announce the terms of thedivorce decree, the judge turned to the husband and said:"I'm going to award her alimony in the amount of $250 a month." To which the woman's about-to-be ex replied: "That's mightykind of you, judge. I'll try to help her all I can, too."

Staring down from the bench to announce the terms of the divorce decree, the judge turned to the husband and said: "I'm going to award her alimony in the amount of $250 a month." To which the woman's about-to-be ex replied: "That's mighty kind of you, judge. I'll try to help her all I can, too."

Old Man On A Bench An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying.
"Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we have then have fun together laughing and relaxing. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make fun together laughing and relaxing again. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we relax more and enjoy ourselves."
The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!"
So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!"

Little Tommy was sitting on a park bench, munching away on one candy bar after another. After the fifth one, a man on the bench across from him said, "Young man, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It'll rot your teeth, give you acne and make you fat."
Little Tommy replied, "My grandfather lived to be 105 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat five candy bars at a time?"
Little Tommy replied, "No, he minded his own fucking business!"